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“This was after all that stuff happened with you.”
“I’m kidding, of course.”
“Anyway, I wasn’t sure if I could afford Princeton without the scholarship, and the stress was too much. Ironically, it started affecting my grades.” I cringed. “And I made a really poor decision.”
He moved closer and placed his hand on my knee. “What was it?”
Blowing out a breath, I hugged the throw pillow tighter. “I cheated on an important exam. I’d excelled in every subject except AP Calculus, and a friend of mine found it so easy. So I copied her answers.” I shook my head. “I really thought I’d gotten away with it—but I got caught. That led to both the scholarship and the acceptance to Princeton getting reneged. Everything I’d worked so hard for was gone. And it was all my fault, because I’d let the stress of winning influence me to act out of character. I’d never cheated a day in my life before that.”
Troy’s mouth fell open, and the color drained from his face. He looked absolutely devastated. “Holy shit,” he finally said. “I’m…I’m so sorry, Aspyn.”
Shrugging, I said, “I couldn’t be mad at anyone but myself. I knew what I was doing when I made that decision to cheat, and I had to pay the price. That’s all there is to it.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know if that’s true.” He looked away. “I had no idea you lost all that.”
“Anyway, that was a catalyst for a lot of my issues in the years that followed. I fell into a depression and decided to take time off before starting college. That was the biggest mistake I could’ve made. I had too much time on my hands and started hanging out with the wrong crowd—wasting my life away.”
He scratched his chin. “What were you doing?”
I laughed angrily. “A whole lot of nothing, really. I didn’t work for a while. It was like I fell into a hole and couldn’t get out. I became ambivalent about life and really very self-centered. Around that time, my parents were going through a rough patch in their marriage, and my sister was the only person in the family with her head screwed on straight. She’d graduated from college with a nursing degree and was happy and in love. Toby and Ashlyn were already planning to get married when she got pregnant with Kiki. Even though the pregnancy was a surprise, she was over the moon to have a baby.” I stared off toward Kiki’s closed bedroom door. “They loved her so much.”
Troy rubbed his thumb gently along my knee.
“When I found out my sister was pregnant, I was happy for her, but so miserable about my own life. I wanted what she had—not necessarily the boyfriend and baby on the way, but a purpose.” I shut my eyes. “The night they died on their way to pick me up was the last night I acted selfishly. That was the end of my years-long pity party. I had to pick myself up and figure out how to be a better person for my niece. It was the biggest wake-up call I could’ve had.”
Troy sighed deeply, still seeming a little shaken. “I can’t imagine what that must have been like—being in a tough place to begin with and then to have that tragedy happen… How did you manage to cope?”
“I didn’t, really. I just went through the motions. When Ashlyn died, I still lived with my parents. I started going to state college full time. We all just did the best we could. I graduated with a degree in general studies and took odd jobs, but I never found anything I was passionate about. My priority became helping take care of Kiki and trying in some way to right the wrong I’d caused. In many ways, it all seemed to stem from the one bad decision I’d made to cheat on that test. It’s amazing how one choice can change the entire course of your life—but also the lives of others.” I whispered, “A domino effect.”
Troy closed his eyes.
The choice to focus on this dark, depressing stuff tonight was unfortunately a waste of our time together before he had to leave. But it had all needed to come out.
“How did you end up at Horizons?” he finally asked.
“At the time I was hired, I’d been working in retail. My mother and Nancy have a mutual friend. I got the position even though I had no real work experience even remotely connected to being an activities director. I didn’t deserve the job, and I’ve always looked at it as a gift. I learned as I went along. But for the first time in my life, I do feel fulfilled in this career. I’m good at what I do, even if I started like a fish out of water.”
