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I rubbed my arms. “Did you have something to say to me in private? Is that why you wanted to be alone?”
“No. I just want to hold you without any prying eyes. Because I’m gonna miss you.”
Maybe I was reading into things too much again, but I wondered why he was going to miss me so much if he was coming back in a couple of weeks. I didn’t want to sound paranoid, so I didn’t ask. Instead, I let the question fester inside of me with all the other uncertainties floating around.
He took his jacket off and wrapped it around my shoulders, then used it to pull me to him. The warmth felt painfully good. In his arms, it was a lot harder to bury my emotions, and I felt them rising to the surface.
“You’re the most beautiful woman in the world, you know that?” he whispered.
I didn’t say anything, afraid that if I uttered a word, my insecurities would come flooding out or I’d blurt a question I didn’t really want the answer to. I needed to trust that if this was meant to work out, it would. He’ll be back.
Troy pulled away and placed his hand on my chin, prompting me to look up at him. His smile faded, presumably because he saw the sadness in my eyes.
He leaned in and kissed my lips. It tasted bittersweet as the stubble on his chin scratched my face. I took a long breath of his scent, knowing it would be some time before I would smell it again.
My phone buzzed. I looked down to find a text from Nancy, asking where I was because the van was waiting.
“I have to go.”
Troy wrapped his hands around my face and planted one last kiss on my forehead.
“Let me know when you arrive safely,” I said.
“I will,” he whispered against my skin.
I removed his coat and handed it to him before walking back inside. Even though I wanted to cry again, I wouldn’t let myself.
Only time would tell if Troy was worth the tears.
Aspyn
Four weeks later, things hadn’t turned out the way I’d hoped.
It was now early December, and Troy’s supposed two-week trip back to Seattle had already lasted a month and counting. According to him, they’d given him a new project that required he stay out west a bit longer. That didn’t exactly make sense to me since he’d always told me he could work from anywhere.
We’d messaged back and forth, but he’d grown distant, opting to text rather than pick up the phone beyond a couple of calls when he first arrived. He kept saying work had him stressed and used that as the reason for his lack of communication. Since we couldn’t seem to talk about much of anything, I avoided asking him questions about the state of things between us. I mean, also, why should I have to ask? I’d made my stance clear. The ball was in his court now. He was the one who left, not me.
Rather than wallow in my sadness over Troy’s virtual disappearance from my life, I threw myself into my job and taking care of Kiki. Deep down, though, I felt empty. I just wasn’t willing to admit that to anyone, least of all Troy.
In my fantasy world, Troy would’ve rushed home the first opportunity he had, maybe even flown home for the weekend and insisted he didn’t want to live without me. But instead, he seemed pretty accepting of the fact that he’d have to stay out there a while. He never spoke of how hard it was to be away from me, and his silence sent me a loud and clear message—that things with us seemed to be out of sight, out of mind.
Perhaps the more time that passed, the more he discovered that what we had was just a phase, and he didn’t want to come back to Meadowbrook. I suppose the worst part of Troy’s silence was that it left me to draw my own conclusions. They may not have accurately described how he felt, but they suited my need to protect myself from getting hurt.
• • •
A couple more weeks passed, and before I knew it, the holiday season was in full swing. At least getting ready for Christmas—mostly shopping for Kiki—kept me busier than usual and my mind off of analyzing why Troy had stopped being a meaningful part of my life.
Jasmine had invited Kiki and me to a Christmas party she and Cole were throwing on a Saturday in mid-December. So, my niece and I bundled up and drove to New Hope. I wore a red turtleneck sweater dress that had little sparkles built into the material. Kiki dressed in a velour tartan plaid dress I’d recently bought her. She’d worn it for our yearly Christmas card picture.
