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Chapter 41
Ty showedme where he'd left his truck. Once I got in, I showed him where Dad had parked. The three of us moved my bags over into Ty's back seat, I gave my daddy a hug, and then we went our separate ways. While I felt a little guilty about it, the truth was that my dad was right. I really didn't want to spend all weekend with him. I also didn't want him knowing what I considered to be a good time.
By the time we pulled out of the parking lot, most of the fans were gone. That made traffic a little easier, but it was still pretty thick. Two cars ahead of us, I saw a PBR logo on someone's back window. In the lane beside us was a group of girls singing loudly to country music with their windows down. And in the distance, I could see a tailgate declaring that truck belonged to the 1998 bull riding champion.
This wasn't at all what I expected of big city traffic, although coming out of the show, it made sense. But while Ty made his way to the hotel, I looked out the window, realizing that this was about to become my new life. I'd grown up in a small town where landmarks were actually a part of the land, not a store on the corner. Sure, our little bubble inside the circuit might still feel country, but the air here wasn't nearly as fresh, and the traffic made me a little tense.
Eventually, we made it to the hotel, which was a Marriott just like last time. Ty got me a second key from the front desk, and we headed up to the fourth floor. I had two of my bags, he had the other three, and he wasn't even giving me a hard time about it.
"Sorry about all the stuff," I said once we were alone in the elevator.
"This?" he asked. "No, it's not that much. I mean, you've packed for a couple of weeks, right?"
"At least." I shrugged. "Most of it's for the shows."
"I've got four of my own, Cody. Just how it goes." He smiled over at me. "And I should warn you that I talked to J.D. this morning about how you're getting to the next event. He said you've got options, and we figured you might wanna switch between us just so you don't burn out."
"Yeah," I breathed. "That's part of this talk I wanted to have."
He nodded just as the doors opened on our floor. "How about we do that after a shower, then, because I stink bad."
I giggled as I followed him out. "Me too."
His eyes were scanning the numbers on each door. "Dunno if you remember, but we Canadians are all about conservation of water."
"And I am not drunk," I reminded him. "Ty, the truth is that I feel like my head's spinning, ok? And not because I came off hard. It's just..."
"I know," he promised, stopping to slide his keycard in a door, then swing it open. "Just wanted to make sure you know I'm not trying to push you off, eh?"
That little Canadian "eh" had snuck in again. He didn't do it often, but when he did, it was so damned cute. I made my way into the room, easily picking out which bed he'd claimed as his own. I dropped my things on the other. Not because I planned to use it, but so we wouldn't need to move it later.
"Ok," I said, turning to face him. "So what are we doing, Ty?"
"We," he told me, "are going to have some beer sent up, a couple of long, hot showers, and plenty of time to talk this out. See, the last time you were in my room, you told me that you're not a friend with benefits, so I'm not going to make that mistake again. I like you. J.D. likes you. A few other guys on this merry-go-round like you too. Thing is, it's only been a week, so how about we take it all nice and slow, ok?"
"So what do I even call you?" I asked. "Ty, I'm sleeping in your room, hopefully in your bed. I mean, we're not drunk, we're both adults, and I'm not going to say no if things get a little, um, naked."
He ducked his head, but I could see the smile under the brim of his hat. "Yeah. Well, I'm down with being your man, your friend, or just your competition. We always called the girls we picked up our dates, but that doesn't work so well for you, since we're not staying here when you move on next week. So, I dunno. What do you want to call us?"
All I could do was shrug again. "Look, I'm gonna get that shower, ok? I always think better in there." I bent to dig in one of my bags for something clean to put on when I was done. "Ty, my problem is that I don't want to end up on the other side of the country, regretting something that sounds like a whole lot of fun now. I just..." I found what I was looking for and stood back up. "I like you. A lot."
He leaned over my bag and lightly pressed his mouth to mine. "I like you too. A lot," he whispered. "Go shower. It really is ok, Cody."
Yep, that was the break I needed, and I took it. Once in the bathroom, I locked the door behind me. Then I thought better of it and almost unlocked it, but no, not yet. I wanted to have this talk before I jumped into bed with another bull rider. I needed to know why he was all but pushing me at J.D. It just, in the pit of my stomach, felt like some bet guys made with each other.
And I didn't want that to be the truth. I really didn't, but why else would a couple of guys be so ok with this? Usually, it went the other way around. They wanted to have all the girls, all the time, and for none of them to complain about it. For not just one man, but two of them to act so ok with me not having a clue what I wanted?
My mind was whirling as I stepped under the hot water and started washing off as much of the arena as I could. I didn't really want to think about the next part of that thought, but I had to. I couldn't just ignore that I liked J.D. I'd thought it would be ok, since he was my mentor. He kept treating me like a friend, putting that up as the most important thing, and the truth was that it made me feel safe. J.D. didn't want to fuck me and leave. He wanted to have a beer, talk bulls and bullshit, and be friends. Ty? He wanted to swoop me off my feet, make me feel like the queen of the world, and make me fall in love.
But which one was better? Was there a better? Did there have to be? Dad said that I should make up my own rules, and that was sure what it sounded like Ty was offering. Still, things like this sounded so easy when talking about it, but hearts didn't really work like that. Someone got jealous. Someone else got dumped. But if I wasn't actually dating anyone, then it was just testing the waters, right? Plenty of people did that. A different date every weekend, no promises of forever, just some fun for right now.
But could I do that? I'd had one boyfriend in my entire life, and he was the biggest mistake I'd ever made. Still, I kinda wanted to. The thought of Ty's arms wrapped around me, kissing on the back of my neck, or of the way J.D. had stolen my breath away in front of my house? Never mind those dirty little fantasies that had a whole lot less clothes in them.
However, I didn't just want sex. I didn't want to be a buckle bunny, or to have my own buckle boys. I wanted this. I wanted these guys to be around when I needed them, to see them patting each other on the back after a good ride, jumping up on the chutes to pull a rope, and treating me the exact same way. I wanted to be just one of the guys, but also not. In some ways, I wanted nothing at all to change, but I knew it would.
Which meant I needed a plan. As I turned off the water and grabbed a towel, I heard a thump. Stepping out of the shower, it came again, but this time the door opened right after.
"My phone's dead so I couldn't text." That was J.D.'s voice.
"It's cool," Ty told him. "I got beer and pizza. Want some?"
"Mm." J.D. chuckled. "Where's Cody? Pretty sure you last a little longer than that."
"Shower," Ty told him, "and tonight is more of a talk it out and less of a fuck it out. Man, I'm trying to let her know that it's ok to date around, but I think I'm making it worse. You wanna help?"
"Pretty sure you don't have that much beer," J.D. told him.
"I can get a whole lot more, but I was hoping to do this without getting her drunk. Means I won't bitch if you brought your vape over, because I'm pretty sure you're hurting."
There was a moment of silence, and then both men started laughing. Yeah, I had no idea what that was about, but knowing J.D. was in on this actually made me feel a little less nervous. More like it was a chat and less of a setup. Then again, that I even felt like this proved just how much of my own baggage I still had to deal with.
But there was no better time than the present. So I pulled on a little black tank, a pair of cotton shorts, and blotted as much water from my hair as possible. Then, when I couldn't find any other reason to delay, I opened the door and stepped out.
Ty's room was pretty nice. It had two double beds, a couch over on the side with a little round table in front of it, and a pair of chairs that could be pulled closer. J.D. was sprawled across the couch with one leg kicked up on it. Ty was reclining in the furthest chair from him with a case of beer on the table and a stack of pizza boxes. They both looked up, ran their eyes over me, and smiled in unison.
"How are you feeling?" I asked J.D.
He lifted up a vape pen. "You gonna shit yourself if I toke in here?"
"Pot?" I asked. "Wait, you can vape pot?"
That made him chuckle and shake his head at me. "Yeah, baby. It's liquid, but has all the best parts and mine's flavored like vanilla. Doc suggested it."
"Like, the PBR sports medicine doctor?" Not what I'd expected. Dad always said that drugs would do a rider in.
"Yes," J.D. said. "Dr. Stephens, and now that it's legal on half our tour, well..." He lifted the metal tube again. "Best pain killer with the least side effects. I'll share if you want, or not if you don't, but if you're not cool with it, I'm ok with that too."
"No," I promised. "That's fine. Shelby and I just used to use a pipe, is all. I mean, back in high school. I haven't really... You know."
J.D. immediately put the vape to his mouth and pushed a button on the side. A slight hissing proved that the thing did a little of the work for him. While he sucked back a few hits, Ty gestured to the chair between them, making it clear I could sit down and relax.
"Beer, Coke, Dr. Pepper, and plenty of pizza," he told me, "because I'm fucking starving."
"Will be," J.D. mumbled around a lungful of pot.
So I grabbed one of the Dr. Peppers, claimed the chair, then leaned back to put my heels beside J.D.'s ribs. Like this, I could see both of them, the chairs placed in a perfect triangle. I just didn't know how to start this incredibly awkward and embarrassing conversation I knew needed to happen.
Then J.D. exhaled a cloud of vanilla-scented vapor and did it for me. "So I heard you're freaking the fuck out about us, huh?"
"Oh yeah," I promised. "J.D., guys do not act ok with a girl looking at someone else. Just doesn't happen, ok?"
"Does now." He sat up and scooted back so the armrest could support him. "Lemme put this out there real blunt for ya, girl. Guys like to fuck. Girls like to fuck. If it's just fucking, then that's one thing. Problem comes when it's more than fucking. Anything more, like, say, maybe friends. So then feelings can get hurt, and that makes men get all pissy and shit, right?"
"Yeah, it does," I agreed.
He flashed me one of those devious little grins he did so well. "And then they start making rules, and trying to make you feel bad because you're the girl. Us? We get all we want. Ladies are supposed to drop and suck on command, say please and thank you, and we think we're hot shit, but if you act like that? If you drag a different cowboy to your room, we're now supposed to be all pissed off, right? But, Cody, that shit ain't fair, and real friends know it."
"That," Ty said, pointing at him. "That's exactly what I've been trying to say."
"You're too fucking nice about it, Ty," J.D. said. "Look, when you try to be so Canadian polite, she's going to start finding other meanings for your words. If you wanna be clear, you gotta put yourself out there a bit. Like this." Then he looked at me. "Cody, I think you're my best fucking friend, ok? Only one I have in the whole world, truth be told. Thing is, you also make my dick real hard, and I can think of a million dirty things I'd like to do with you. I also know you got a thing for this hot cowboy over here, and he's actually a good guy, even if he doesn't know it yet. So, I'm not dumb enough to go acting like some misogynistic prick, acting like your talking to me gives me some claim on you. I figure that if you wanna fuck him, I ain't gonna blame you. I mean, he is kinda pretty. And if you wanna fuck me, I'm not dumb enough to say no, but I'm also not gonna make you choose."
"And you're not jealous?" I asked. "That's what I don't understand."
J.D. just lifted that vape pen again. "That you aren't trying to say you aren't into one of us means I'm right. Cody, what fucking difference does it make if I'm jealous? I mean, I'm not. Never learned how to be. Ty is, but he's workin' real hard to ignore it. Brownie points for that, man. But the thing is... Cody, you aren't responsible for making us happy. You're just responsible for being true to yourself, because this life is too damned short to live with regrets."
