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Maybe he’s disappointed that I didn’t go all the way with Isaac like I promised. Maybe he wanted to cycle me into his rotation of girls that likes to have group sex, and now he’s realizing I can’t be that person.
I begin to hate every single woman before me that was willing to do that with him. Not because it’s wrong. People have the freedom to have sex with whomever they want so long as it’s consensual, but I loathe the women that helped him realize this is the type of world he wants to live in.
I shake my head, a low growl rumbling out of my throat as I squeeze the steering wheel harder.
This isn’t about any of that.
The fact is we aren’t compatible. I shouldn’t have to change for him, and he shouldn’t have to change for me. It’s not about anything but us not being able to meet the wants and needs of the other.
I can’t blame him for needing something I can’t give, and vice versa.
But sticking around and trying to be anything but me would only postpone the heartache.
His eyes pop open the second I pull into the parking lot of the hotel he booked for the night, making me realize he was awake the entire time, answering the question about him not wanting to speak with me.
I’m near tears when he presses his palm to my back as we climb on the elevator with our room key. I don’t speak and neither does he until we get into the room.
Before I can drop the overnight bag he loaded into the vehicle earlier today, he wraps his arms around me.
“I had fun tonight,” he whispers in my ear before pressing his lips to my neck.
I nod in agreement because words right now are utterly impossible.
“I’m going to shower. I’m exhausted,” I say as I step away from him.
I leave the bathroom door cracked, one stupid final bid at thinking things could be different, that everything in my head is wrong, but he doesn’t join me, and if he hears me crying, he ignores that, too.
He’s asleep on the bed, wearing only boxer briefs when I leave the bathroom. I should grab my things and leave, but I just can’t yet. I need just a little more time, a few hours to shore up my heart before walking away.
He reaches for me in his sleep, and I don’t even question giving in and placing my ear against his chest as he holds me. Every muscle in my body is tense with trying not to cry. I’ll have plenty of time for that when I’m alone in the years to come.
Being near him is just as painful as the thought of never seeing him again. I’m stuck in the middle of a lose-lose situation, but at least I can determine that healing will never start while we’re together like this. Each one of his breaths on the top of my head feels like tiny needle, microscopic tears to my soul.
As I lie there, soaking him in for the very last time, I realize with gut-wrenching clarity that Trenton Cole will never settle down, and the man I love no longer exists—a very hard thing to stomach while still in his arms.
Chapter 35
Grinch
The threat of a headache pulses in my temples, more of an irritation rather than actual pain when I wake up alone. The increase in blood pressure when a million thoughts of where Grace could be is the real threat.
I should jump up immediately and look for her, but the insidious thought that she’s exactly where she wants to be keeps me pinned to the mattress.
Eventually, I have to get up to piss, but the thought of crawling back into bed without her makes my stomach churn. I pull on my slacks from last night, unwilling to waste another second by digging something out from my overnight bag.
I don’t bother with shoes when I leave the room, only grabbing the hotel keycard before pulling open the door and heading to the room right across the hall. I made reservations in the hotel for both Grace and me, and a separate room for Ugly.
I pound on the door, not bothered by interrupting whatever in the hell they may be doing.
It takes a long minute for him to pull open the door. He was asleep, but that does nothing to cool the anger boiling inside of me.
I step closer, nearly chest to chest with the man, and look over his shoulder. Sure enough, there in the bed is the blonde I stupidly thought I could get over by seeing her with another man. It didn’t work at the club last night. I left, warring with feelings and emotions, before finally accepting that Grace is it for me. She’s the end. If there is ever a woman I could settle down with and love and cherish for the rest of my life, it’s her.
