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“I can’t be the woman you need me to be.” Tears pool in her eyes.
“You’re exactly who I need, Grace.”
“You want the woman I was last night, and that’s not me. I can’t do that again.”
“We never have to go to that club again. I fucking promise.”
“I won’t have sex with your friends at the clubhouse either.”
I growl in response to her words.
“And you need that. You want that lifestyle,” she sobs. “But I can’t be a part of it.”
“Want that? What are you talking about? I could’ve killed Ugly last night when he touched you. I only kept a handle on my emotions because it’s what you wanted. You didn’t want it? Fuck, Grace, if you felt pressured—”
I can’t even say it. If the woman left because she felt unsafe around me, like she couldn’t speak up and say no, there may honestly be no coming back from this. That’s a certain kind of trust that should never be broken. Hell, it shouldn’t even be tested.
“I wanted it. In the moment, I wanted it. I felt sexy and turned on, but I’m glad it didn’t go any further. I couldn’t have gone further, and I would’ve eventually said so had the issue been pushed, but wait… you didn’t want to do it either?”
I huff. “Seriously? Fuck no. I hated the idea from the beginning, but I reasoned with myself that if that’s the woman you were, then I’d go through with it and then walk away.”
I want to inch closer to her, but she hasn’t told me she wants me. If I touched her now, I’d never be able to let her go, and that wouldn’t bode well in a house with two men who wouldn’t appreciate me forcing anything on a woman.
She shakes her head. “So we were both playing the same damn game, and somehow we both ended up losing?”
“This whole situation started as a way to make sure goodbye happened, and yes, technically that happened when you left, but I still feel like I lost. No, I know I lost because I can’t see my life without you.”
“And you don’t want to be involved in group sex?” I shake my head. “For how long will you be okay with not doing that, Trenton, because—”
“Forever. If that’s what you’re asking, my answer is forever. That’s how long I want you, Grace. I love you.”
She shakes her head as the tears begin to fall, but she isn’t running to me and jumping into my arms.
“There’s more between us than just what’s happened recently.”
I cross the room and take the seat beside her, clasping her hands in mine even though I want to pull her to my chest and promise her the world.
“Then let’s lay it all out. We can get it all out in the open and see if it’s something we can work through. I’m tired of holding shit in, afraid of the answers I may get.”
“You lied to me,” she whispers.
“I’ve been lying to myself for years, Grace. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
“Back then,” she clarifies. “You lied back then.”
“Not once,” I argued. “Well, I actually did use the rest of your shower gel that one time, but I think you knew it.”
She huffs a laugh. “I could smell it on your skin, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Remember our last fight? It was the beginning of the end for me.”
I shake my head, trying to recollect what we might have argued about all that time ago. The breakup and her rejection of my proposal slapped me in the face. I was stunned by it all, left wondering what the fuck happened because it came from out of left field. Had I thought for a second she would say no, I would’ve spent more time with her before asking the question. I wasn’t worried because I was certain even though we hadn’t said the words yet.
I shake my head. “I don’t remember.”
“You lied to me about where you were. We had plans to leave base and go out to eat, but you never showed up. You said you lost track of time at the gym, but then—” She shakes her head. “I don’t know if I can do this. Obviously, you were seeing someone else.”
“Oh fuck,” I say, holding her hands tighter, my heart breaking all over again. “Baby, really?”
Tears sting my eyes as I watch as devastation transforms her face.
“Black ops, baby. That’s what that was about. I was approached at the gym, and you know how shit in the military goes. I wanted to tell you but I couldn’t, and before you bring up all the other times after that that I flaked, I was going through testing. There was no other woman, Grace.”
Tears fall down my face, dripping from my chin at the realization that we lost so much time over assumptions and my unwillingness to break the code that was expected of me by not telling her about it. It didn’t feel right at the time, but as vetting goes for such situations, they knew about Grace. They told me I couldn’t tell her, that doing so would forfeit any chance I had at joining an elite team. I was young. I wanted to save the fucking world, and in doing so, I lost the person that meant the most to me.
