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Her expression froze before anger flashed in her eyes.
Bingo. I’d hit the nail on the head and hammered it right in.
“I came over to be polite and see how you are.” She pushed hair from her eyes and resumed her holier-than-thou look.
“Well, now you’ve seen,” Lauren said brightly. “You’ve made conversation and know he’s just fine. I don’t see that you have much else to talk about considering you aren’t bothering to introduce your date. But, oh wait, that would be awkward, wouldn’t it, since they’ve already met?”
Claudia’s lips pursed. “And you’d know all about that, would you?”
Lauren shrugged. “Enough that I can’t decide if you’re brave or stupid, given the last time you all saw each other, your date was balls deep inside you. Looks like he left them in your purse, too.”
Well, shit.
Claudia took a step forward, but Lauren didn’t even twitch. Instead of reacting to Claudia’s intimidation tactics, she sipped her wine, smiled, and looked at Claudia’s date.
“No offense,” she added in a chirpy tone.
He looked thoroughly unamused, his eyes darkening as he focused on her for a moment. “Claudia, let’s go.”
“I—”
He didn’t give her a chance to finish her reply before he took control of the situation and spun them around, sweeping her away before she could do any more damage.
Lauren tilted her head to the side. “You know, if we were monkeys, she’d be the kind of person I’d fling my poop at.”
The mouthful of beer I’d just taken shot straight up my nose and burned, and she pulled away, biting her bottom lip.
“Sorry.” She tried to hide her giggles. “For what it’s worth, she’d probably fling it at me, too.”
I bashed my fist against my chest and nodded. “You’re probably right. Also, this whole thing was worth it just to see you shoot her down like that.”
Lauren sighed. “I’m a woman. I’ve had years of dealing with bitches. I deal with one on a regular basis.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. Myself.” She paused. “We’re all bitches. Some of us just hide it a little better than others, which is why it’s a surprise when we let the bitch flag fly high.”
I raised my eyebrow, smirking. “Was that you letting your bitch flag fly high?”
“Oh, no. That thing was only waving at half-mast. If it was fully up there, she’d be on the way to the emergency room to get treated for some burns I’d deliver.”
Right. Because she hadn’t already done that.
She smiled brightly before holding out her glass. “Could you please hold this for a second? I need to use the restroom.”
“I’ll hold your hair while you throw up after that performance.” I took the glass from her. “And I’m not even kidding.”
Laughing, she turned on her toes and stalked away, sweeping her hair around to one side of her neck. She glanced back at me with a little grin before she disappeared between two small groups of people.
Slowly, I shook my head.
She was beautiful, funny, and had the ultimate take-no-shit attitude.
Jesus.
If this date were real, I’d be fucked seven ways to Sunday.
“Why do you look like you just fell in love?” Trev reappeared with a beer in his hand. “Where did Satan go?”
I snorted. “Lauren ran her off. Literally. She told her that we were done talking here because the last time we saw each other, her nameless boyfriend was balls-deep in her and that he’d left his balls in her purse. He dragged Claudia off before she could start a fight.”
“Well, shit,” he breathed. “Seriously, if you’re not going to date this girl for real, I’m gonna.”
“No, you’re not,” I said firmly. “Just because I’m not dating her doesn’t mean you can.”
“Why not?”
“Because she’s too good for you, you pervert. That’s why.”
Trev sighed. “Think Kirsty will find me a hot fake date like her?”
Laughing, I leaned back against the wall properly and said, “I don’t think there is another fake date like her.”
CHAPTER SIX – LAUREN
We’d both only had one drink each, so by the time we left the bar an hour later, both me and Mason were two things: hungry and thirsty.
Instead of hanging around and risking running into Claudia again, we got into his truck and headed for the one place you could always count on being there for you.
McDonald’s.
That’s right. Our fake date was officially over, technically, and McDonald’s was the last place you’d ever take a girl on a date if you were over the age of fifteen.
So to McDonald’s we went. Honestly, the idea of a double cheeseburger had me almost drooling over his dashboard. I was so ready to load up on carbs and regret it the next time I tried to put skinny jeans on.
It took us only a few minutes to get from the bar to the restaurant, and Mason slowed as we entered the parking lot. “Eat in or use the drive-thru?”
