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I took a deep breath and grimaced. She was right. I was. “You win. Show me the clock.”
Her cackle wouldn’t have been out of place in a Disney movie—with her as the absolute villain. Hell, she’d probably dress as Maleficent one time before she died.
She’d probably make that outfit her funeral one. She’d be buried in it, and she’d go fucking laughing.
I followed her through to the kitchen. The eccentric style of her house barely even registered now. Except for the bright yellow living room curtains and a fox’s head on the wall—those were always a little on the jarring side.
The fox’s eyes just kind of…watched you.
“Where do you want it, Aunt Pru?”
“Right there.” She pointed to the place where her old clock had been. The nail that had previously held it up was still in place.
“The nail’s still there. Why do you need me to put another one up?”
“Because that’s my clock.” She pointed at a huge, iron clock that was twice the size of the last one. “And I don’t think the nail is going to hold it.”
No. No, a nail was not.
“Jesus, Aunt Pru. You’re lucky I brought my drill.” The woman was insane. Who needed an iron clock?
Nobody. That was who.
Still, I got to work like she wanted. She fixed me a coffee while I started drilling, and it wasn’t until I was done putting the hole in the wall that she finally talked to me again.
“Your mom told me about your new girlfriend.”
Of course she did. “Mmm,” was all I replied.
“What’s she like?”
“She’s nice.”
“Nice? Screw me sideways, Mason. My tablecloth here is nice. It doesn’t sound like you like her that much at all.”
She was baiting me. “Mhmm. She’s a nice girl. It’s early days. Mom’s getting a little carried away.”
“You know your mother. If she were an ant, she’d be the one carrying food back.”
“Probably.” I fitted the correct fixture to hold the clock. “You’re going to Grandpa’s dinner, right?”
“I am. Will I meet her?”
“What do you think?”
“I think you’re full of crap.”
I turned, raising an eyebrow. “What?”
“It’s “excuse me,” not “what?” You’re not a hooligan.” Her eyes sparkled. “Kirsty told me what she did. That girl is a chip off the old block!”
Great. Now my loose-lipped, line-dancing great aunt was in on this thing. “She’s a pain in my damn ass,” I replied. “She has no idea what she’s doing.”
“I don’t know. It’s about time you got back out on the market before you go stale. Women are starting to date younger men, did you know that? I see it all the time on that celebrity channel with the housewives.”
I wasn’t going to ask what she was doing watching those shows. Probably getting inspiration for her own future toy boy. I wouldn’t put anything past her.
“I can’t say I follow celebrities much.” I turned and leaned against the counter. “I don’t know what Kirsty’s playing at, but I’m in the shit, especially if Mom falls in love with her. You know what she’s like.”
Aunt Pru’s eyes twinkled. “What if you fall in love with her?”
I gave her a withering look and moved to grab the clock. It was lighter than it looked, and I picked it up easily. “Not going to happen. She’s a great girl, but I don’t want a relationship right now.”
“I think the gentleman doth protest too much.”
“Isn’t that ‘the lady doth protest too much?’”
“Yes, but unless your penis has suddenly shriveled up inside you and you’ve grown yourself some ovaries, you’re not a lady, child.”
I was going to take back the times I’d told Lauren she was hard work—she was a delight compared to Pru.
“Whatever you say.” I hung the clock on the wall. “Is that straight?”
“Are you straight?”
“What?”
“You don’t want a relationship. Did that hooker mess you up so much that you’re now gay?”
Jesus. I needed a beer. “I’m straight,” I reassured her.
“I’ll accept you if you’re not, but you’re being written out of the will.”
“Aunt Pru.”
She cackled, rapping her knuckles against the table. “I’m joking. Don’t you think I’m funny?”
“My laughter is silent,” I said dryly. “Is that all? I can try online dating if I want to be ridiculed.”
“Aw, Mason, honey, you have to pay for that. I’m giving it to you for free.”
“Well, thank you for the weekly reminder to keep my ego in check.” I smirked, putting my drill back into its case. “Shall we do this the same time next week?”
“Yes.” She sat back with a smug look. “Bring cookies next time. I need sugar if I’m going to keep this up.”
“Noted.” I leaned over the table and kissed her cheek. “Don’t worry about getting up. I’ll see myself out.”
“Thank you, dear. Can you pick me up before dinner?”
I paused. “I’m taking Lauren.”
Aunt Pru’s eyes sparkled. “I know.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but she raised her eyebrows, and I knew when I was beaten.
