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“Don’t you dare throw that in my face.”
Nodding, I say, “Fine. But you have to realize that I didn’t do this on purpose. I love you, Finn.” The words are the truth.
The only question now is if he can forgive me.
15
FINN
Nothing in life prepares you for heartbreak.
There is no getting ready for listening to someone tell you they spent years with you, but lied to you all that time. I didn’t think it was possible to be this angry, this on the verge of hate, while loving someone. But right now, as I stare at Jarred, I find it completely plausible. I doubt though I could ever hate him completely. But my anger has certainly taken a hold of me.
“You’re not really some random runaway.” It’s not a question, so Jarred doesn’t need to answer, and he doesn’t. The realization of what I’ve just found out has clearly slammed into us both. “You knew that coming here would expose the fact that you lied, and yet, you came anyway.”
“Finn,” Zaria chastises me, but I can’t find it in my heart to care. The fact that I gave seven years to my relationship with Jarred, and he couldn’t tell me the truth leaves a me angry and heartbroken.
I thought we were more than that. I told him everything about my past, about how much I hated my mother for walking out, for not even saying goodbye to us.
“No,” Jarred says, looking at Zaria, “he’s right. I did come here knowing it, but his father wanted Finn to find out about my lies. I don’t know how, but he learned about my past and that’s why he allowed me to tag along on this trip.”
I don’t deny that my father would have done that. He must have known. How he found out, I doubt we’ll ever learn, but the fact remains that the man before me is still a liar.
“I don’t want to see you,” I tell him. “I need to think.” My words cause him to wince, and even though in the past, I would’ve gone to him, to comfort him, I can’t bring myself to do it right now.
With a nod, Jarred leaves, shutting the door to his room. Zaria turns to me, her gaze shimmering with tears. I don’t know why she’s sad; she’s only just come into this relationship with us.
“You can be a real bastard,” she bites out as anger drips from her words. “Can’t you see that he’s hurting. Coming back to a past you would rather put behind you isn’t easy.”
“And you know all about hiding things. Don’t you?” I throw back. When I’m angry, I’m a dick, and I don’t apologize for it.
The slap comes before I have time to stop her hand from making contact. I deserved that. “Love is not an easy road to follow,” she tells me. “You have to listen to someone else, understand that the fear of losing what they’ve found is real.” The plea in her tone makes my chest ache.
I’ve never allowed fear to take hold of me. It’s one emotion that I fought for years. My frustration and pain are directed at Jarred, but my anger is focused solely on me. I allowed myself to believe in honesty and love. Even though I never told him how I felt, I know deep down that I do love him.
“When someone lies to me, I don’t take kindly to it.”
“And when you act like an asshole, you deserve to be held accountable,” Zaria throws back easily. “When I first arrived at Thorne Haven, I was shattered. I didn’t know if I would be able to feel anything for anybody. I wanted the approval of my mother for so long, that I figured I would substitute it for the affection from you and Jarred.”
I turn away, needing to breathe without Zaria in my face, in my mind. But when I step away from her, she reaches for me, her hand gripping my arm gently. Her touch electrifies me. It’s done it since the first time I came into contact with her. It’s the same feeling I get when Jarred touches me.
She’s slowly burrowing herself in my life, and with every moment I spend with her, I know that she is learning who I am. She knows more about me than my family does.
I perfected my armor to the point where not even my brothers could see past it. It may not have been ideal, but it was the only way I knew how to survive.
As I young child, I was doted on by my mother. Being the baby, her baby, I was showered with her love. And then, she left.
“Are you really angry at him for lying or are you feeling that rage because you know that he only did it because he loves you.”
