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What hurts the most is that he couldn’t live with himself anymore. He couldn’t be with my mother, and instead of breathing through his pain, he went out and sought death. It was something I nearly did myself. And I realize, I took after my dad more than I thought I did. Even though we didn’t share blood, we shared a connection. I almost ended my own life.
I’m thankful I didn’t.
Even though those thoughts crop up now and then, I have a support system that no longer allows me to wallow in the darkness. Instead, we play there, we bask in it, and we don’t let it drag us down into its full depths.
The sun has finally set and the stars twinkle above me. The guys are on their way home from London while I’ve just returned to Thorne Haven from New York. We’ve all been rather busy, but with the patriarch of the Thorne family not doing so well, the Thorne brothers will all be under one roof again.
When I first came to the manor, I was angry. There was an immaturity that I never let go of and Finn saw it. There isn’t a moment, since we met till now, that he doesn’t see through my armor. Jarred was like a bonus love. He came along with the package I was forced into. At first, I didn’t want it. My focus was on getting out of the marriage my mother signed me up for, but the more time I spent around both men, the more I knew they brought out the best in me.
Finn dug deep into my bones, Jarred hammered through all those hardened walls, and they found me. I found me. A sense of self took a hold of me and I realized I am strong. Even though I spent my early life swallowing bitter pills of bullying and vicious attacks on who I am, I’m still here.
“There she is,” Finn says as he saunters into the room. He’s still dressed in a suit, without a tie. He looks so handsome. His hair longer now, flopping over his dark eyes. The smirk that tilts his lips to the side makes me smile.
“How are you?” I ask, falling into his arms. It’s not easy when you know your family is in distress. He rushed back while Damien tied up loose ends before he and Nesrin will return home.
“I’m okay,” he tells me, before pressing a kiss to my head. More warmth curls itself around me and I realize it’s Jarred. I’m sandwiched between them, and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. “I needed you both,” Finn murmurs into my hair as he pulls me closer. He’s not always been the sweet, affectionate man I’ve come to know. When I first arrived, he was angry, rightly so. I wasn’t easy to be around either. But we made it work.
Since the wedding, both Jarred and Finn have been attentive, affectionate, and more than I could ever have expected. Both men love me unconditionally, and I love them.
“He’s not okay,” Jarred whispers in my ear, and we both turn to look at Finn. The fear in his eyes dances like a flame in the breeze. We can’t say anything that would make it better. There are no magic cures for heartbreak, but we’ll be here for him, if and when, he needs us.
“I think you need to go see him,” I tell Finn. His father refused to stay in the hospital, so instead, they’ve brought his care to the manor. The Cancer has hit him hard, fast. He hid it from his sons because he knew about the diagnosis months ago. With it being stage four, there’s nothing more they can do.
Marcia has been rushing around, making sure everyone knows what to do, and even though she’s very much a trophy wife, she’s stood up for her husband. She hasn’t left his side, and that is something I truly admire.
“I don’t know if I can,” Finn admits as he pulls away from us. I watch him unbutton his shirt, then shrug off his jacket before he turns to the bed. The clothes he discards land in a heap. “Facing him like that is not something I can handle, not right now.” He doesn’t look at us as he speaks, but the pain in his voice is apparent.
I cast a glance at Jarred, then back to Finn. I know that the pain will only worsen before it eases. From my own experience, I found being alone helped me, but that was because I grew up with nobody to comfort me when I was hurt. My father did his best, but I still felt as if I were a stranger in a place that I called home.
“I know it hurts,” I tell him. Leaving Jarred at the window, I make my way to Finn. I gently place my hand on his shoulder; the tension in his muscles tightens then releases when I trail my fingers to his hand. With his warmth bathing me, and my affection calming him, I know he’ll get through this. “You can be alone,” I whisper. “But we’ll still be close.” It’s a promise I make and intend to keep.
