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I wasn’t perfect. I wasn’t going to pretend I was or that what I was doing was a good decision.
I just wanted to not think about Ethan for one night.
If going out with Butler did that…
Well.
“It’s not going to happen, all right? It’s easy for you guys. You’re both in relationships. You’re not living with the guy you’ve been in love with for years but can’t have.” I pushed off the counter and grabbed my stuff. “I know going out with Butler is a bad idea, but so is just about everything else in my life right now. Don’t pretend you know how I feel because you have no idea.”
“Ava, wait!” Halley jumped up, but I was already shutting the door behind me.
I knew they meant well, but sometimes, I didn’t want them to mean well. I didn’t want them to tell me all the things I was doing wrong.
Sometimes, I just wanted someone to go along with a bad idea.
This was one of those times. My emotions were everywhere, and I knew this was a terrible decision, but that didn’t change the one I’d made.
And the truth was that Halley and Reagan had no idea how this felt. They had no idea what it was like to be in my position.
If they did, they’d probably make a shit choice, too.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN – ETHAN
Green Isn’t Everyone’s Color
I tapped my fingers against the side of my beer bottle. I hadn’t seen Ava all day, and the messy, handwritten note attached to the side of the fridge with this week’s date on said she was working until ten-thirty tonight.
I had four more hours to sit and feel fucking sorry for myself.
Texting her last night was stupid.
We’d almost fixed things. We’d almost gotten back to normal, and then I’d texted her. From the other room. And I’d upset her even more.
I was a fucking idiot.
A prize fucking idiot.
There was no way to make this better. She’d made her position clear—I wasn’t the only one who had some feelings that needed to be worked out. She had feelings for me. I didn’t know what they were or how deep they ran, but they existed.
They were real.
And she wasn’t interested.
She’d told me to fuck off.
She had every right to. She didn’t owe me anything. I was the one who’d fucked up and made it all awkward for us. I was the one who’d been unable to keep my hands to myself. My words, too.
If she wanted me to never speak of it, I wouldn’t.
I tossed my phone up and caught it again. Everyone was at Lucky’s tonight, but since Ava was working, it wasn’t exactly a place I could go. It was pretty much off-limits.
Not that something being off-limits had stopped me once this week.
Fuck.
I scrubbed at my scalp, rubbing my fingers through my hair. Being stuck in the apartment wasn’t doing me any good. All it was doing was making my brain go crazy.
I shot a quick text off to Noah to see if he was still at Lucky’s and if not, where he was.
NOAH: Luckys w the guys, Halley, and Reagan. You coming down?
I sighed, staring at it. Everyone was there. It was Sunday. The football games were on, and even being in the same bar as Ava had to be a better situation than sitting here moping like a fucking lovesick idiot.
Especially since I’d put myself in that position.
ME: Yeah. Be there in 10.
I changed out of my sweatpants into some jeans and grabbed a clean t-shirt. A quick check of Mr. Prickles resulted in his water being refilled courtesy of the bottle on my nightstand. I took a minute to throw his ball across his cage before I tickled beneath his little chin and made my way out of the apartment.
I ran down the stairs and outside. The cool, fall air was a welcome drop in temperature. God knew how long it would last, but I appreciated it anyway. It made the walk across town to the bar much more enjoyable than it would have been otherwise.
Not that it was entirely enjoyable. I was all too aware of the fact that I was willingly putting myself in Ava’s path—something I didn’t think she’d be too pleased about.
I also had to contend with Halley and Reagan. Not that I had anything against them. No. I’d known them as long as I’d known Ava thanks to growing up here, but I knew they were loyal to a fault.
Even if they did run their mouths to their boyfriends.
Problem was, I had a feeling they’d done that because they knew Noah and Preston would talk to me. After all, if anyone knew exactly how Ava felt about me, it was those two.
They probably knew better than Ava herself.
I took a deep breath as I turned onto the street where Lucky’s was. The lights from the bar lit up the area, and cars filled the parking lot off to the side. A roar escaped the building as I got close, and I rolled my shoulders as I made my way toward the door.
