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I don’t think he understands the enormity of his offer. I’m the kid that vandalized his house three years ago. I shouldn’t be living in his home. But here he is, passing out second and third and fourth chances like they grow endlessly on trees.
But I know Loren Hale better now than I did three years ago. In reality, second chances don’t exist with him. You hurt him and he cuts you off at the knees. Why I’m the exception to that, I don’t know.
Maybe I never will.
I have to think about this logically. Where I go will affect the one person I love most in this world. I think about my girl.
“Willow could break up with me by then,” I remind Lo. After the shit I pulled in London, I’m sure that day is coming.
“You’d still be a part of this family.” He gestures in a circle. “I wouldn’t kick you out because of it.”
I’m bowled over again. It’s harder to breathe, but for a different reason. My eyes burn, and I impulsively shove against his offer. “I have an apartment in Philly.”
“You live alone.” He pauses and then gives me a once-over. “I’m going to be blunt like my brother. You look like shit. You’re a little gaunt, and man, you smell like you’ve been spraying cologne instead of showering.”
“I’ve been busy,” I snap, not wanting that pity. “I have a job, and it’s the only thing that keeps me from…”
“From what?”
I shrug, and then it just pours out of me. “From feeling like a stupid loser. Like I have no purpose, alright?” I hold back tears. “I have something outside of waiting for a girl. I have something…and I need to put time in it. I shouldn’t even be here. I should be working—”
“Hear me out,” Lo cuts me off just as my voice cracks. “I have this little kid who’s a big pain in my ass because he keeps begging for a sibling. Every day I have to hear, ‘but Jane has two brothers’ and if he just saw you in the house, he’d be happy. But most importantly, you’d save my goddamn eardrums.”
I let out a short laugh. “The important things.”
“Damn right.”
I pinch my eyes. “Stop crying,” I mutter under my breath. Why can’t I stop?
“I get it.”
“Do you?” I snap.
“Your brothers call you a pussy for crying? They tell you you’re not a real man—suck it up, Garrison. What are you, a little pussy, a little girl? What kind of goddamn man are you?”
My mouth falls open, shock stinging me. I almost look around for Ryke. There’s no way Ryke could have said that shit to Lo. But I can’t locate Lo’s older brother because the cabinets block my view from the living room.
Lo follows my gaze, and he must register who I’m trying to find. “It wasn’t my brother who told me to just stop fucking crying.” His jaw tightens.
I frown. “Who?”
“My father.”
I ice over. Jonathan Hale is Willow’s dad, too. And she didn’t grow up with the man, but he’s a part of her life now.
Regardless of that, I hear what Lo is saying. All this time, I’ve been the exception to Lo’s cut-throat attitude.
Neither of us knew each other’s histories, but I think deep down, we both always sensed that parts of us were the same.
The broken parts.
Maybe he’s just healed before I’ve gotten the chance to. Maybe I won’t be able to. Maybe this is it for me, you know? I’m going to live forever with this thing inside of me, bearing down on all that I am. And it fucking hurts. It just hurts.
I keep rubbing at my face, the tears not ceasing. Please, just stop. My body is warring with what I want. Stop crying. Stop crying. Goddammit, stop fucking crying.
My sleeves are soaked, and Lo scoots nearer. “You’ll be okay,” he breathes. “You won’t see it today, maybe not even tomorrow, but one day, you’ll wake up and you’ll want to live.”
I choke back a sob. What he’s saying seems more like a dream not made for me. I shut my eyes and open them. “Are you sure?”
“I’m goddamn sure. Look at me…”
It takes me a second to raise my head, hair still falling over my eyes, shielding me like armor.
Lo says deeply, “One day at a time. Can you do that with me?”
My throat swells. Lights in the kitchen are harsh on my sensitive, swollen eyes. One day at time. I’d reject that fantasy under different stipulations. I’m not made to be by myself. Not wired that way.
And that’s okay, I think.
Because he’s not just saying one day at a time. It’s one day at a time with him.
With someone.
Not alone.
Okay.
Okay.
Quiet stretches around us, Loren just sitting by and waiting for me to collect my thoughts. I can do this. I can accept something good for my life. Nodding repeatedly, I finally make my decision. But I still have one last thing left that connects me to my family. One thing left to claim and then I can cut ties completely.
