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‘Oh, well done, darling.’ Izzy was standing by the back door, holding Sóley in her arms. ‘It looks fantastic. Shall we give it a try?’
But as she tried to put Sóley into the baby seat her bottom lip protruded and began to wobble.
‘Here, let me try, Mum.’ Reaching out, Lottie took her daughter.
‘Look what Lucas has made. Isn’t he clever?’ she said softly.
She felt Sóley relax at the sound of her voice but when she tried to lower her into the seat the little girl just grabbed her neck and refused to let go.
‘I’m sorry, Lucas.’ Looking over at her brother’s disappointed face, Lottie felt her stomach twist with guilt.
Since getting home, Sóley had stopped being the easy-going baby she had always been. She was clingy, and often woke several times in the night. It was tempting to tell herself that it was just her age, or her teeth, or even the change in routine, but she knew that Sóley was missing Ragnar as much as she was, and that only added to her feelings of guilt.
‘You’ll be okay, you know...’ Her mother leaned forward and kissed her cheek. ‘You’re stronger than you think. Strong enough to survive this. And Sóley will be okay too. Children are very resilient.’
‘I don’t want her to have to be resilient,’ she said hoarsely.
‘I know, darling.’ Izzy smiled. ‘But that’s nature’s way. You have to be tough to survive. Look at everything I put you and Lucas through. No father figures, let alone actual fathers, and all those different homes and schools, and always having the wrong clothes.’
Her mother was looking straight into her eyes, and in that moment, the calmness of her expression made Lottie realise that she had focused too much on their differences instead of how much they were alike.
She shook her head. ‘It wasn’t that bad.’
Lucas caught her eye and grinned. ‘It was pretty bad—especially the clothes.’
Lottie smiled. ‘But whatever happened you were always there, Mum. And we were lucky to have you.’ As she spoke, she wondered why she had never said that to Izzy before and why it felt true now. ‘I’m lucky to have you, then and now.’
‘Me too,’ Lucas said, his eyes gleaming. ‘Only don’t go getting the wrong idea and start thinking that this love-in means you get to wear any of your weird kaftans to the party.’
Izzy and Lottie both laughed.
‘Right, darling,’ said Izzy. ‘I’m going to take my granddaughter home with me so she can have a nap. No.’ She held up her hand imperiously as Lottie started to protest and then gently pulled Sóley into her arms. ‘She needs a nap an
d you need a little time on your own to make your peace with today. Come on, Lucas.’
After the car had driven off Lottie went and sat on the swing. It was starting to snow again, but it wasn’t that cold, and it was calming just to sit and let her feet scuff against the ground. Glancing up at the sky, Lottie breathed out, trying to find the peace her mother had mentioned.
Her emotions were not out of control now. She felt sad—but not the crushing misery of those early days, just a lingering emptiness that she couldn’t seem to shift. And that was okay, because her mother was right. She was strong and she was going to survive.
And because she was strong she was going to put her sadness aside this afternoon for the sake of her family—especially her daughter.
Ragnar Stone was not coming to this party so she certainly wasn’t going to let the memory of him ruin it for her or anyone else.
Her body stilled. From beyond the hedge she could hear the sound of a car making its way up the lane. No doubt her mother had forgotten something crucial, and sent Lucas to retrieve it. As she swung gently back and forth she heard the car stop in front of the cottage, and then the crunching sound of footsteps on the path. Then the click of the garden gate. Definitely Lucas, then. Her mother could never open it without a huge tussle.
‘So what did you forget?’ she called out. ‘I’m going to go with either your phone or Mum’s bag.’
‘Actually, I didn’t forget anything. I let it slip away.’
Her heart turned to stone. She stared across the garden, her breath dissolving in her lungs. Ragnar was standing at the edge of the path, his clear blue eyes fixed on her face. He looked just as he always had, and the pain of seeing him again made her feel lightheaded.
‘What are you doing here?’ Her voice sounded small and unfamiliar in the sudden echoing silence.
‘I came to talk to you.’
Her throat tightened. He made it sound as though he was just dropping in, when the reality was that he hadn’t been in touch for weeks. Two weeks and six days, to be precise.
She swallowed, pushing back against the ache in her chest. ‘In case you’ve forgotten it’s our daughter’s birthday, so I don’t really have time for a chat.’
