AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘I mean stupid. Dopey.’
She bit her lip, remembering the first time a news story about her had popped up on her phone. It had been like the kind of dream in which you’re naked in public—except she had been awake, and there had been nowhere to hide.
‘I knew it would be bad for Charlie and Raymond. I just never thought me and my mum would be on trial too. But we were, and we didn’t have a barrister to speak for us.’
She looked across the lake to where a bunch of ducks and sw
ans were mobbing a smaller bird.
‘I hated those photographers. They were so insistent, so bullying. But it was never knowing how people were going to be that was the worst.’ Her smile felt as if it was made of papier-mâché. ‘Sometimes they’d be nice to my face, then talk about me behind my back, and other times they just crossed the street really pointedly.’
His jaw hardened. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s not your fault.’
‘I didn’t exactly help, though, did I?’ He stared down at her, his dark gaze fixed on her face. ‘And now? How is it now? Is it better?’
The genuineness of his concern made her feel a little dizzy. ‘Most of the time.’
They were back at the house now, and as she gazed across the deck, she searched for the right words.
‘I guess if it hadn’t happened I would have argued more with the lawyers about my film. But I didn’t want to risk someone working out who I am and going to the newspapers.’ She met his gaze. ‘Like you said, trust is hard to recover once it’s lost.’
‘But your life is okay?’
He seemed tense again, and her heart began to pound. Just for a moment she had felt a connection beyond the sexual—a shared understanding of the burden of guilt and responsibility. Now, though, he seemed on edge again, and she didn’t understand why.
‘Yes, it’s fine. I live at home, and that’s okay for now. I have a job I hate, but I like my colleagues, and I have Alicia.’
His eyes were steady and unblinking.
‘Alicia thinks you deserve more. She thinks you need a man in your life.’
‘Alicia’s in love.’ She managed to laugh. ‘Of course she thinks that.’
‘But you don’t?’
She felt a rush of panic at both the dark intensity of his gaze and the unedited answer hovering dangerously on the tip of her tongue, like a swimmer poised on the high-dive board.
‘I don’t really think about it,’ she lied.
She thought about it a lot. Even before her teenage crush on Basa she’d worried about whether she would ever be able to sustain a loving relationship, or if she would mess it up. The thought made her entire body grow tense.
‘Look, I know Alicia wants me to have what she has, but I haven’t met anyone I want to be with in that way...’ She stumbled over the lie. ‘And I don’t want my first time to be with some random man...’
She froze, and there was a long, pulsing silence as her words echoed loudly back and forth across the still stretch of water.
‘Your first time?’ He frowned. ‘What do you mean your first time?’
Her heart was pounding and she could feel the blood rushing to her face.
‘Are you saying you haven’t had sex with anyone?’
She pulled her hand away, flustered as much by his sudden intense focus as by her slip of the tongue. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘It doesn’t matter...?’
He sounded confused, and she felt more panic, followed by a rush of irritation.
