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9
Doe
Jenner opened my door, and I had to blink a few times before reality flooded back in. The night flew by, and now I was home. I looked up at the house I’d grown up in, the place that had been my sanctuary from the outside world and the people of West Bridge. Right then, it didn’t give me the sense of peace it normally did.
I didn’t want to be here because Jenner wouldn’t be here with me.
After dinner, and his parking-lot confession that he wanted to be beside me every minute of every day, we’d gone back to his place and cuddled on his couch while watching a movie. I’d been so lost in how good it felt to have him hold me that I had no clue what the movie had even been about.
At midnight, he’d groaned like he was being physically tortured and said he needed to take me home. I’d had to bite my tongue to keep from begging him to let me stay, but he’d been adamant about taking things slow. When he’d put going back to his place on the table as an option for the rest of the evening, I’d been nervously excited for what I’d hoped would happen. But he was true to his word, and we hadn’t done more than share a few chaste kisses from the time we entered his apartment.
Multiple times, I’d come close to confessing my feelings for him, but each time, I’d clamped my mouth shut to hold the words inside. What if I told him how much he already meant to me—and for how long I’d felt that way—and he didn’t believe me? Or worse, laughed?
The fear of his reaction had kept me quiet even as my body had begged me to confess every last detail of my feelings for him.
Taking my hand, Jenner helped me from the car and pulled me against him. “What’s wrong, baby?” he murmured, brushing his lips over the tip of my nose. “You’ve been so quiet. Did I do something wrong?”
“No,” I assured him with a small smile and a shake of my head. “I just have a lot on my mind.”
He cupped the side of my face, his eyes full of concern. “Tell me what’s going on in that beautiful head. Did I scare you earlier?”
“You could never scare me. I’m just sad our date is over.” I lowered my lashes, fighting the sting of tears. Why did the thought of being away from him even overnight hurt so much? “I-I don’t want to leave you.”
His free hand grabbed hold of my hip, pulling my lower body hard against his. I could feel how much he wanted me, and with my chest pressed against his, I thought I caught the faint sound of his heart drumming against his ribs. “Me too, little lamb. I would give anything for you to spend the night sleeping in my arms.”
I melted into him. “Yes, please. I want that so badly, you don’t even know.”
His fingers bit into my hip through my dress. “Soon, baby.”
Clenching my eyes closed, I hugged his waist. If I couldn’t spend the night in his arms, I wanted to hold on to this moment a little longer. We stood there like that for several minutes. The front porch light flipped on, alerting us that one or both of my parents knew we were out there.
With a heavy sigh, Jenner took a step back. “You should get inside. I don’t want your dad to get mad at me for keeping you out so late.”
Swallowing the knot in my throat, I gave him a small smile. “Good night.”
As I started up the front steps, he caught me around the waist. Lifting my feet off the floor, he turned me in his arms and kissed me. With a whimper, I thrust my hands into his hair, kissing him back with what little skills I had—skills that only he’d taught me.
When he finally lifted his head, my feet were still off the ground, and I felt as if I was floating. “I’ll see you in the morning?”
Too dazed to find my voice, I nodded.
“I miss you already,” he whispered, reluctantly setting me on my feet. Lowering his head, he touched his lips to my ear. “Dream of me, little lamb.”
As if I were in a trance, I walked into the house after watching him drive away. Needing to be alone to savor the entire night, I started up the stairs as soon as I walked through the door.
“Doe?” Mom called out, sticking her head out of the living room. “How was your date?”
“Perfect,” I answered without pausing in my ascent.
“I’m so glad, sweetheart.” I could hear the smile in her voice. “Good night, honey.”
“Night,” I called.
I heard her soft laugh followed by the rumble of Dad’s deeper voice. Knowing they were talking about me, I kept going until I was safely behind my closed and locked bedroom door. Tossing my purse in my desk chair, I barely noticed my phone spilling out onto the cushion. Crossing to the bed on feet that felt as if they barely touched the floor, I flopped onto my back, stretching my arms over my head.
That kiss. It had been even more bone-melting than what we’d done the previous night, when he’d made me come on his fingers. How was it that every kiss, every brush of his fingers on my skin, was better than the time before?
The crush I’d already had morphed into something stronger, but what scared me was that I didn’t know if this was love or some sick obsession that would only lead me to a broken heart. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to truly care if it did get broken. I just wanted more time with Jenner.
More…everything.
The sound of a video call coming from my computer pulled me from my dreamlike fog. Groaning, I sat up and looked at my desk. Seeing it was Jackson, I muttered a curse, debating if I wanted to answer it or not.
Only to feel guilty the next moment because I never ignored calls from any of my brothers, especially not Jackson. Jumping up, I quickly answered it and then sat on the edge of my desk chair. Reaching behind me, I grabbed my purse, tossing it aside, then picked up my phone just as Jackson’s face appeared on the screen.
“What happened to texting us when you got home?” he grumbled, sounding so much like Dad I couldn’t help grinning.
“I just got home.”
“Just now?”
“Yup.” A glance at my phone screen told me I had multiple missed texts and calls from not only him but Bryant and LJ as well.
“We’ve been worried about you all night,” he complained.
“I’m fine, I promise.”
“Okay.” He released a pent-up breath. “Well? How was it? Did you have a good time?”
“It was the best,” I told him, leaning back in my chair. Without thinking about what I was doing, I touched my lips.
Maybe if I closed my eyes, I might be able to feel him kissing me again…
“Baby sis, you look like a girl in love,” he muttered. When I opened my eyes to look at him, I couldn’t tell if he was happy for me or not.
“Is that a bad thing?” I asked.
He grimaced, seeming to consider it for a moment before shrugging. “Nah, I guess not. You know I just want you to be happy. And if this guy is able to put that look on your face so effortlessly, he can’t be too bad.”
“I honestly can’t remember being this happy before,” I confessed. “Just thinking about him puts this goofy smile on my face…”
“But?”
I combed my fingers through the ends of the hair lying over my shoulder. “It’s a little scary that one person has this much control over my happiness. I just saw him not fifteen minutes ago, and yet it feels like it’s been days. I miss him so much already. Is that even normal?”
He scrubbed his hands over his face, and for a moment, I saw the vulnerability in my brother that he rarely let anyone see, not even me. “First love is consuming like that, baby sis. It can be so overwhelming you don’t even feel like you can breathe when the two of you are apart.”
“Jackson…” I sat up straighter in my chair. My sisterly instinct was kicking in, and I knew he was hurting. After the call I’d gotten right after dinner, I suspected I knew why. “You didn’t have to involve Aspen. I could have gotten to the doctor on Monday without any problems.”
“Aspen owed me a favor, and since we can’t be there with you, at least someone I trust will have your back.” He crossed his arms over his chest, letting me know loud and clear he didn’t intend to talk about anything relating to his past relationship with Aspen. I wanted to call him an idiot, but I also understood Jackson’s reasons why—at least, for the most part. There were some parts that still made me want to grab him and shake some sense into him.
“You know this is only going to give Aspen hope,” I cautioned.
“Doe,” he warned.
I held up my hands in surrender. “I’m just trying to be real with you. You know I adore Aspen. I don’t want either of you to get hurt. If you’re just doing this for me, then fine. But if you’re doing it to keep Asp hanging on with no intention of taking things further, then you need to stop this now, Jackson. That’s not fair to anyone, and you know it.”
“I know,” he rasped out. “I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially not Aspen. The truth is, I still don’t know what to do about this thing between us. What you said earlier about missing Jenner as soon as he left? I’ve felt that, Doe. I’m feeling it right now, and it’s agony.”
“Maybe I’m not the one you should be confessing this to.”
“What would happen if I did confess to Aspen?” he demanded. “I’m in fucking Arkansas.”
“Maybe Aspen will transfer from Vanderbilt?” I suggested. “Or you can come home and go to Vanderbilt. They have a baseball team.”
“I can’t leave Bryant and LJ.”
“You know that the likelihood of all three of you ending up on the same team is slim, right? The golden three won’t always be together.”
“A slim chance is still a chance.” That was what he’d always said. It was why the three of them had picked Arkansas, so they could be together. But part of me always wondered if maybe Jackson was using our brothers as an excuse not to face the truth of his feelings for Aspen.
“I don’t want to argue with you about this, Jackson,” I told him, exhaustion suddenly pressing down on me. “No one can make these decisions but you. Just figure out what you want, and don’t use me as an excuse to hold on to Aspen if you’re not going to have the balls to—”
“I hear you, Doe,” he quickly cut me off. “Can we talk about this later? Bryant and LJ will be home from a party soon, and I don’t want to hear them bitching at me too.”
“I’m only bitching because I love you.”
His lips twitched as he fought a smile. “I love you too, baby sis. Go get some sleep. I’ll let our brothers know you had a nice date and we don’t have to find a place to hide Jenner’s body… Yet.”
