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“When I asked him about it, he said he couldn’t look at me without thinking I was going to die. And it scared him. He didn’t think he could go through that again. We argued a lot. I even insisted that we go to counseling, though I knew he was a stubborn fool once he made up his mind.
“I asked him how long he’d been thinking of leaving me, and he said since I came home and told him my diagnosis. He knew then, that if I survived, he’d never be able to look at me the same way again.”
“That’s real sick,” Mina said.
Echo’s hand stopped its motion on Noodle, and her head jerked up. “It is, isn’t it? I moved to Missoula for a new start, and he’s still living in Billings, and I hear he’s dating someone. I don’t know how he thinks he’ll be able to guarantee that she’ll outlive him.”
“Maybe he snuck some blood from her and has sent it in to be scanned for cancer risk.”
Echo snorted. “He’ll be surprised and disappointed when she’s one of those people who get cancer, even though they don’t have a genetic history of it.”
“Or has a random, deadly accident,” Mina said, her dark humor helped by all the wine she’d had.
Echo giggled, then slapped her hand over her mouth. “Oh, dear. It was really terrible of me to laugh at that.”
“I won’t tell. And you can always blame the wine,” Mina said, reaching forward and topping off their glasses. They were both in for a bad morning anyway, might as well finish off the second bottle.
“Do you wish he’d told you earlier, when you were diagnosed?”
“No.” Echo shook her head. “Maybe it would have been more honest, but it was easier to go through the cancer with his support.”
“I have HIV,” Mina said, the wine and the ease of the conversation loosening her tongue.
“Oh.”
“I’m not... You can’t catch it from me having dinner over here.”
“I know that much, at least.” Echo waved her off. “And that’s why you felt you had to tell Levi before you even...”
“Before we kissed. Even if you can’t catch it from kissing.”
“I understand better why he ran off.”
Mina was stunned into absolute stillness. Given the conversation they’d had so far, she expected some sympathy from Echo.
“Oh, don’t look at me like that,” Echo said, waving wildly in the air. “Leaving without giving you a chance to talk was a rat thing to do, and you don’t want to date a rat. Maybe he really can’t handle dating someone with a chronic disease, but he should have at least been up-front before not letting the door hit him on the way out.”
Mina settled back into her chair. This was more what she’d expected from her new friend.
“Dating is a series of gambles where each person slowly lays their hidden, scared cards on the table, until one of you calls or you both go all in.” Echo had started to really get into her speech. Even through her drunken haze, Mina could see that her neighbor’s arm waving had become exaggerated. Probably because of Echo’s drunken haze. Noodle looked up suspiciously at her owner but didn’t get off Echo’s lap.
“You’re at a disadvantage because you have to show your cards first thing, before a guy’s even gotten a chance to know if the benefits of going all in are worth it. Post-kiss, Levi might have decided you were the best thing that had ever happened to him. Pre-kiss, well...”
Indeed. “So far I’ve not found a guy who thought the benefits were worth it.”
“No boyfriend since... Uh, were you born with HIV?”
“No.” Mina didn’t elaborate, and Echo was either too drunk or too kind to press on. “I’ve had boyfriends, but they weren’t all in.”
“All in” seemed to imply someone who did more than pat themselves on the back for slipping on a condom and having sex. Someone who was willing to listen when Mina was having bad med days—or weeks—or be understanding about her yeast infections. The men she’d dated had wanted a medal.
She’d been lucky, though. While she’d endured private snubs and comments, no one had yet exposed her private life and her virus online. She hadn’t yet been subject to internet bullying, death threats and the many other scary things strangers threw at another stranger for no reason other than they could, and it gave them a power trip.
