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“I broke my code of honor. I compromised hers, showed her disrespect and exploited Kuroshiro’s trust in accepting my tribute and bringing her to my home. It was a total disaster.”
Hiro’s deep voice was strangled, choking off the measure of joy his call had given her. He was really taking this badly, was calling to share his self-recriminations because they’d become too much for him to bear alone.
She wished she could tell him he should at least feel no remorse on Raiden’s behalf. He had not only kissed her but had sex with her. But though Raiden was a major concern to him, what so agonized him was what he thought he’d done to Megumi.
Deciding to go for the heart of the matter, she asked, “Did she respond?”
That seemed to surprise him so much, it aborted his agitation, made him sound scandalized as he said, “Is that all you have to say? What’s the difference if she did?”
“It makes all the difference. So did she?” Only his deep, disturbed breathing answered her. “Let me put it another way. Did she resist you?”
A heavy exhalation. “No. She melted in my embrace, as I always dreamed she would, gave me her lips to worship.” An exasperated exhalation. “But that was no response.”
She groaned. “Hiro, Hiro, don’t you know anything about women at all? That was her response. Surrendering to you, letting you claim her as you will.”
She’d done the same with Raiden. Heat surged through her with the memories of what Raiden had done to her, the unimaginable pleasure he’d given her when he’d taken her like that, devoured her without preliminaries, as if he couldn’t wait, couldn’t breathe if he didn’t have her. It had always been intoxicating when she’d met him kiss for kiss, touch for touch, taken what she’d wanted, which had always been all of him. But her utmost pleasure had always been to submit to his dominance, as she had last night.
“But afterward, she looked...shocked.”
She barely held back from moaning with the pangs of renewed hunger as she focused on her distressed friend. “Of course she did. You’ve never shown her signs you have emotions for her, then suddenly at her engagement party, you drag her aside and devour her.”
“I did show her my emotions,” Hiro protested. “Every time I saw her for the past six months. But my father was Yakuza, and I thought that might be why she’d never consider me.”
That was the first time Hiro admitted his late father had been a member of the Japanese mafia, and she wouldn’t probe further. “Did you make any actual advances before last night?”
“I invented ways to see her as frequently as I can.”
“Did she realize that? Or did you hide your intentions so well, like you did last night, she didn’t realize you set those events up with the sole purpose of seeing her?”
“She moves in completely different circles to mine, so I joined every society and charity she works with, when they’re completely unrelated to my interests. She must have realized I only did that to see her. And I paid only her compliments. I also mentioned many times how I thought it was the perfect time to marry. It seemed she enjoyed my interest, encouraged it, and I was working up the nerve to go to her father with my proposal. Then a week ago, her engagement to Kuroshiro was announced, a man she met only days before. A man her father approves of.”
So this was how recent this whole arrangement was.
She exhaled. “Listen, Hiro, the young woman I saw last night felt uncertain of herself in spite of her incredible beauty. She probably couldn’t believe a man like you was interested in her. Maybe she needed a direct approach, not all those elaborate hints. I can tell you for sure that she was seriously agitated when you took me to her and...Mr. Kuroshiro.”
“She didn
’t look agitated.” His frown was clear in his tone.
“That goes to show you that you can’t read her, and probably missed all the signs of her reciprocating interest. For she was certainly agitated, and it was because of you.” She exhaled. “Seems this was a case of tragic miscommunication.”
“And now it’s too late,” Hiro groaned. “I should have sought your counsel before and all this might have not happened. Now I’ve made it so much worse by kissing her. I’d hoped to continue to see her in a social setting, but now I won’t be able to see her again at all. I’ve truly lost her.”
Before she protested that he hadn’t, she remembered.
This was the woman Raiden would marry in ten weeks. Raiden needed to marry her, for a reason no one but she knew. And he wouldn’t let anyone stand in his way. It was better for Hiro to forget about Megumi. For she was already lost to him.
She wished she could reach out through the phone and hug him. They had even more in common than she’d thought, wanting the one person they could never have. The irony was the two people they wanted would marry each other. But he was in an even worse situation, because he’d always pine for Megumi, think he might have had her if only he’d acted differently. She, on the other hand, had never entertained the possibility that she could have Raiden. The certainty of despair was better than agonizing what-ifs.
“I’m so sorry, Hiro.” She groaned her pain on his behalf. “But if this is any consolation, I do believe Megumi reciprocated your feelings. From what I saw last night, I believe she would have chosen you if she could. I also don’t think you compromised her honor or disrespected her when you kissed her. You simply let her know you wanted her for her, not for her family connections. That’s a knowledge she’ll treasure for the rest of her life.”
After that, Hiro abruptly changed the subject, as if he couldn’t bear talking about Megumi anymore but was too polite to just end the call. She did it for him, excusing herself to finish up her work. From the way he sounded as he said goodbye, it seemed she’d said all the right things to defuse his distress—only to substitute it with despondence.
But he would have gotten there on his own. Losing the only one you want was the most crushing experience one could suffer. She knew. For she’d had too many horrific experiences, and nothing had hit her harder than losing Raiden.
And there was nothing she could do about it. Not then, not now.
But she could do something about the report she was working on. She had to wrap up this last stage in her project, then she could leave Japan. After what had happened with Raiden, she couldn’t stay any longer. It had been one thing to be in the same country as him, to know he was getting married, even see him from afar, when she’d thought he’d never recognize her. But now that he had, now that he’d reignited her, she couldn’t bear to see him again if even by chance. She’d miss seeing Hiro regularly like crazy, but losing his constant presence in her life was a price she had to pay.
