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With each passing day, she’d been torn more among shame, longing and despondency. Antonio had disappeared from her life as she’d known he would, only sooner and under far worse circumstances. She’d been right. All he’d needed was her capitulation. Once he’d had it, and so resoundingly, he’d lost interest. He must have even been horrified by her extreme reaction. He might have even feared he could have set himself up for a Fatal Attraction scenario.
It mortified her that she wouldn’t be able to tell him he had nothing to worry about from her, or that she would always cherish whatever time she’d had with him. If that sounded pathetic, as it probably was, she didn’t care. It was true. Being with him had been the most intense experience of her life. It pained her that what would always be a precious memory to her would be a distasteful one to him.
It also dismayed her that he’d disappeared before she could thank him. For going above and beyond in giving her everything she’d thought she’d never have, and thereby enabling her to reach the next level in her research. And he’d done that even after her accusations and suspicions and nastiness, then her reversal into a sex-starved maniac.
If she let him know through his deputies what she hoped to do, she feared he’d assign her some unsavory motivation. Even knowing she’d never see him again, the thought of losing his admiration, his respect, hurt the most.
“Are you busy?”
That voice. His voice.
In the split second before she looked up, she was certain she’d find nothing there. She’d jumped at too many phantom sounds and images of him before.
But this time, her gaze didn’t land on nothingness. It collided with the too-real, too-magnificent sight of Antonio Balducci.
He was really there. Peeking around her lab’s door, only his head and part of his shoulders visible. As if he was ready to retreat if she said yes, she was busy.
The world dimmed, and for the first time she knew how it was possible to faint with a brutal surge of emotions. Shock, elation, trepidation and a dozen other contradictory things.
Had he come to see her? Or was he here inspecting the status of her research, thanks to his generosity? Oh, and, by the way, to put things straight with her?
“I can come back later if you prefer.”
His baritone reverberated in her very being, shaking her out of her paralysis. She rose unsteadily. “No. Actually you’re just the person I wanted to see.”
“I am?”
“Yes, yes, I...wanted to tell you a couple of things.”
Walking in and closing the door behind him, he straightened to his daunting height, this carefulness of the last time he’d faced her, almost a wariness, still permeating his body language.
Man, she’d really managed to scare him. Was he worried she might jump his bones or something?
Circling him as far away as possible, she linked her hands behind her back. “I was going to make a formal proposal and send it to you up the chain, but since you’re here...”
“You don’t need to do that when you need more funds or resources for your research.”
“It isn’t for my research.” She inhaled a bolstering breath. “I’ve taken a comprehensive look at your...folder, and I owe you an apology. The research you wanted me to helm is right up my alley and I find it very ambitious and exciting. If I reorganize my schedule to make a timetable that would have me working on both projects simultaneously, it is completely doable, with your resources and support in place. So if you’d still like me on the project, count me in.”
“Actually, I no longer want you on it.”
Her heart plummeted yet again with the validation of her worst fears, that her value to him had been negated by that foolish episode. It felt like a physical blow that almost rocked her on her feet.
Struggling not to choke on the lump that expanded in her throat, she waved her hand in dismissal. “Never mind, then. It was just an idea.” Then an even worse thought detonated in her mind. “If...if you don’t want me here at all, I understand. You still have my resignation, and you can approve it any time you—”
“Stop.” His admonition was exasperated, almost pained. “Stop jumping to conclusions about me and what I mean. I don’t want you on my project because I don’t want your efforts and focus divided. I want them on your own work, where you’re making remarkable progress.”
He did? And he knew that? How?
“But when you conclude your work successfully, if you’re still interested in any of my projects, there’s nothing I want more than to have the benefit of your vision and expertise.” He paused, exhaled, the searing blue of his eyes suddenly darkening. “But I’m not here to talk about work.”
The heart that had been expanding with his every word felt as if it shriveled again. He was here to clear that personal land mine that now existed between him and an employee he wanted to keep.
She nodded. “I understand.”
“I doubt you do.”
“You must want to talk about that night two weeks ago. That’s the other thing I’d hoped to talk to you about. I want you to forget that embarrassing episode ever happened, and be sure nothing like that will ever happen again. Just chalk it up to pathetic inexperience and let it go at that, okay?
