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What a fool she was, to have believed the whole spiel. Had she really believed that Luca’s judgement was correct, could miraculously negate Howard’s? Howard had been a cheat and a liar, turned out so was Luca.
‘Why?’ she asked quietly now. ‘Why did you sleep with me, Luca? What was that? Some sort of bonus, a way of passing time in between your investigations? A way of distracting me in case I figured something out?’ Because with hindsight she could see that he hadn’t ever really engaged with the campaign. They’d visited locations but they’d never sat down and discussed ideas or brainstormed. Instead they’d spent their time talking, getting up close and personal.
‘No. This. Us. It’s real.’ He gestured between them, his voice taut.
She shook her head, as a memory engulfed her of Howard being confronted with his infidelity and the way he had dismissed it. ‘Lucille was an interim woman. Whilst you’re pregnant. She doesn’t mean anything. You. Me. We’re real.’
Disbelief at her own stupidity churned her tummy. Again—she’d done it again. Been taken in by an illusion. With Howard she’d believed he loved her for herself. With Luca she’d believed he’d employed her because he had faith in her talent, in her photographic skills. Had also believed he cared, that these days were magical. In reality they had been just another arrangement.
With Howard she’d believed in their marriage, been worried about how he was adjusting to fatherhood, run around trying to make things right. Whilst all the time he’d been sleeping with someone else. With Luca she’d believed in his ad campaign, was convinced he’d believed in her. Humiliation, mortification at her own stupidity, roiled over her skin, tinged and patched it with cold, and she rubbed her hands up and down her arms. Oh, God, she’d confided in him, slept with him...trusted him with her deepest emotions. Told him about her baby. She came to a halt in front of where he stood.
‘No, it’s not real, Luca.’ Any more than her marriage had been. ‘Everything, all of this, what happened between us, is fake. Founde
d on a lie.’ She shook her head. ‘I need to go.’ She’d reached the door when she heard his voice.
‘Emily. No. Wait. Please.’
* * *
From somewhere Luca found his voice. For the past minutes he’d been rooted to the spot, frozen as her words punched into him, each one a sucker punch to his ribs, his chest, his heart. Regret, panic and a fear he couldn’t understand all churned inside him as the impact of his actions washed over him in a cold wave.
Slowly she turned and he took a step towards her, stopped at her instinctive recoil. How could he blame her? He’d messed up big time and he had no idea how to put it right.
‘I am sorry. So sorry. But when I met you and you came up with the idea for the ad to be shot on Jalpura it seemed like a brilliant idea. A win-win situation. A way to help Jodi and achieve an amazing ad campaign. That was always real, and I did believe you were the perfect person for the job.’
‘Because of my name.’ The bitterness in her voice was justified. And unanswerable and that knowledge unleashed a sense of panic inside him, a realisation that this was sliding out of his control. Had it been just hours ago that they had been lying entwined, she with her head on his chest, cocooned in his arms? Enough. Somehow he had to explain his actions, convince Emily what they had was real, that the bubble was intact.
‘Yes, your name mattered, but the ad campaign is real—your talent is real.’
‘But you wouldn’t have hired me if it wasn’t for my name.’
He could see the dullness in her eyes and he wished, how he wished, he could turn the clock back and make this right.
He exhaled, knew he owed her that truth. ‘I don’t know the answer to that. But if I hadn’t it would have been because you are Ava’s friend—not because I didn’t believe you could do the job.’
‘That makes it worse, Luca. All my life I’ve been someone’s something. My parents’ daughter, Howard’s wife. Ava’s friend. I thought—’ She broke off and lifted her hands to her cheeks.
He knew what she’d thought. ‘You thought that with me you were yourself.’
‘Yes, and now I know I wasn’t.’
‘But you were. The past few days—they have been magical. What happened between us is nothing to do with your name. Every word I said about your talent is the God’s honest truth.’
‘I want to believe you, but I don’t. Not when the whole trip here was based on a lie.’ She shook her head. ‘I can just about understand why you did what you did at the start. I understand you love your sister and you put her first.’ The words a stark reminder to him that no one ever put her first. Not her mother, or her father. Certainly not Howard. Had she believed Luca would? ‘If you were going to keep that from me, then you shouldn’t have got involved with me, shouldn’t have let me think this was something it never was. I bared my soul to you—and the whole time you were lying to me.’
‘I told you things I have never shared with anyone. The only thing I did not tell you about was Jodi.’
‘But that omission made all the difference.’
She was right and the knowledge that he’d hurt a woman who was already hurting so much, added to the burden she already carried, twisted inside him. The realization he’d done it again—once again he’d pushed away a person he loved through his own misguided actions. Only this time he knew exactly what he’d done wrong and no amount of wishing could undo that.
Whoa. Love? The realisation caused him to let out a small sigh of disbelief even as he knew it to be true. He loved Emily and he’d screwed it up. Of course, he had. Cold, clammy awareness roiled. This was exactly why he’d made rules and regulations, had only committed to those immutable long-term arrangements. Where he couldn’t hurt anyone or get hurt himself. Because he’d known all along that he could not manage love, had no idea how to keep it, navigate it.
He’d already hurt Emily, in a few ‘magical days’. Because now the magic had turned dark and God only knew what harm and pain he’d manage to inflict over time. This had to end, and end now.
‘You’re right. I messed up and I’m sorry. Sorry I hurt you and sorry I failed you. I know there is no need for you to believe this, but I do believe in your talent. I believe in you. Please don’t let my stupidity hurt you and please take care of yourself.’
She nodded, ran her hands up and down her arms and he had to fight not to step forward and pull her into his arms.
