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Her hesitation said it all, and was followed by, ‘I’m sorry, Marcus. I can’t believe I didn’t think...didn’t...’
He could see her agitation as she twisted her hands together and he pushed his plate away, reached out to cover her hands. His heart-rate had accelerated in sheer reaction, he felt disembodied, giddy...
‘You don’t need to apologise. I am as much to blame as you. How likely is it that you’re pregnant?’
‘It’s definitely a possibility, but I just don’t know. My period isn’t always reliable, but I’m due in about a week or so. All I can do is wait.’ Extracting her hands, she rose. ‘I’ll let you know one way or the other, but I expect nothing from you. Last night was my idea and my responsibility.’
‘If you are pregnant the baby is our responsibility.’
The word baby seemed to rock her backwards, her arms wrapped around her midriff. He rose and walked around the table, pulling her resistant body against his, and held her. Despite her rigidity she didn’t push him away, so he stroked his hand down her back, uttering soothing noises.
‘If you are pregnant we’ll work it out. You’re not alone in this, April.’
Words which had had the intent of reassurance instead caused her to stand back and utter a low cry of, ‘No!’
‘What do you mean?’
She hauled in a deep breath and dropped her hands to her sides. ‘I mean we won’t be working anything out. If I am pregnant any decision about the...the baby...is mine to make. Alone.’
‘Absolutely not. If you are pregnant we would have made that baby together. You and me. So any decision is ours.’ Fear gripped him. ‘If you are planning to have a termination then—’
‘I’m not!’ Her voice broke. ‘I’m not going to do that. Not because I don’t believe a woman has a right to make exactly that choice, but because that is not what I’d want to do. If I am pregnant then I will not have a termination—you have my word on that.’
Anger obscured his hurt. ‘So you are basically saying that it will be your decision whether or not I can be part of the baby’s life?’
‘Yes, I am.’
This was daft. ‘Why don’t we save this conversation until a week’s time, when we know whether we even need to have it?’
‘OK.’ Her relief was palpable. ‘Good plan. I’ll quickly use the bathroom and then call a taxi to take me to the hotel.’
‘Roberto can take you.’
‘Thank you.’
* * *
April stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, at the smudges of exhaustion and the green sheen of panic that clouded her eyes. Disbelief at her own stupidity dizzied her.
Oh, God... What was she going to do?
Well, what she was not going to do was break down. For a start, she might not be pregnant. But if she was, she knew the way forward—there was no way she could have a baby. The idea sent a surge of terror, anxiety and pain straight through her. No baby deserved a mother who had demonstrated such irresponsibility in her first shot at parenthood.
She had loved Edward with every fibre of her being, and yet her actions had set off a chain reaction that had resulted in his death. The thought of taking on the responsibility of motherhood again was impossible. Yet she had also meant every word she’d said to Marcus; she would not terminate a pregnancy.
Which left only one option.
Steeling herself, she returned to the sleek lounge. ‘OK. I’ll let you know what the test result is in a week.’
‘Whoa. Not so fast. I’ve been thinking.’
Great. Just what she needed.
‘I want you to spend the week with me.’
‘That’s nuts. Why on earth would I do that?’ The very idea was enough to add the fizz of anxiety to her already overwrought nerves.
‘Because if you are pregnant then I want to be part of the baby’s life. According to you, that is your decision to make—so why not stay here and get to know me better? Plus, this is going to be a stressful week of waiting for us both, so it makes sense for us to spend it together. And...’ For a second he looked almost embarrassed. ‘And if you are pregnant then I want to be part of it. I want to keep an eye on you, make sure you eat properly...’
