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“Well then, I guess congrats are in order.”
“Fuck,?
?? he mutters just as we pull up to my house. “This is exactly what I want to avoid in the future. I don’t want us at odds when it’s time to work.”
“Does it matter to you that this could hurt me?”
“Of course, it does.”
“Then don’t hurt me.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“So, what, if you’re a comedian tomorrow and I hate your jokes or your character, I have to live with them for as long as you film?”
“Basically, yes. I don’t leave my work at the office.”
“You didn’t act that way on the set of Cairo.”
“Different part. Different circumstances. It changes constantly.”
“You expect a lot of me.”
“Yes, I do, and you’ll get the best of me too.” The authority of his next statement cuts me in half. “This is it, Mila. This is the life of an actor, and this is the reason I rarely date, and when I do, I date other actors. It’s also the reason I can’t promise you much beyond loving you the best way I know how.”
“Sounds like an ultimatum.”
“It’s the truth. I figured you’d appreciate that.”
“So, all this time we’ve been together… was I the one auditioning?”
“No,” he pinches the bridge of his nose, “Mila, no, I’ve been trying to ease you into the idea. You already know the schedule is hell, this is the rest of it.”
“I feel manipulated.”
“That was not my intention. Not at all. I’m sorry.”
Silence lingers as gravity hurdles me back to Earth and the car comes to a stop.
“Good night, Lucas.”
“Goddammit!” He slams his fist into the roof and brings furious eyes to mine. “You really going to do this? Really?”
“I don’t know what you want from me.”
“You know exactly what the hell I want from you,” his tone grows unbearably cold, “I’ve made it crystal clear.”
When I don’t respond, he clasps his hands in front of his mouth and exhales closing his eyes. “Okay. You’re gonna have to be the one that walks away from this, because it won’t be me.”
“Lucas, I—”
“It’s okay,” he says softly, shaking his head in disappointment before he averts his gaze.
Paul opens the door, and I take his hand, exiting the limo.
I’m at my door when the first of the tears fall and I press my head against it. “Fuck.” I don’t want to be without him, no matter how crazy his lifestyle is, no matter how scared I am. He’s just confessed his love and offered me a place with him. I’d always claimed safe was boring, and the first time I’m faced with something more, an unconventional way of living, especially with the man I’m madly in love with, I shy away. I let fear overrule my own convictions. I want him, and he wants me. And right then it seems so simple. I turn to try and catch sight of the limo and see Lucas standing at the edge of my porch watching me intently.
Elated, I take a step forward. “That was ballsy.”
