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“What are you thinking?” she asks sometime later.
“Of how badly I want to kick my roommate’s ass.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, this is mostly his fault. The problem is the last fight I got into was with a girl.”
“Do tell.”
“My sister, Courtney, she wracked me in the balls, and I wracked her back when I recovered. I was eight.”
A giggle bursts out of her, and I turn my head to try to capture her likeness and fail. “You wouldn’t think that would hurt a girl, but she went down like a sack of potatoes.”
Her laughter bubbles around us, and it’s musical. I can feel the light tickle of her hair on my arm.
“My mom was laughing too hard to punish me.”
“Hey, it’s still a foolproof way to bring a man to his knees.”
“Truth,” I say, smiling. Something I thought I was incapable of tonight. “Hey, thanks.”
“For?”
“Talking me off the hedge.”
“Cute.”
“So, what about you? You okay about your breakup?”
“Oh, yeah. That had to end. I didn’t want to lead him on. Just sucks because…well, as long as we’re being honest, can I tell you something?”
“Of course.”
“I’ve lied to some of the guys I’ve dated. I’ve never felt what you felt for your ex. Like I’ve gotten butterflies and stuff but nothing more. When they say I love you, I say it back out of obligation, but I don’t think I’ve ever really meant it.”
“Heartbreaker,” I jest.
“I know that’s horrible. I know you should save those words for when you mean them. I just feel terrible when I don’t say it back. And then we break up and it doesn’t matter if I’ve said them or not because it’s over. I think I’m done.”
“Dating?”
“Yeah. At least for a while.”
I nudge her with my shoulder. “So, the right guy hasn’t come yet. It’ll happen.”
“That’s what I hoped too, but…what if it’s me? I’ve dated a lot. What if I’m just not built like other girls.”
“You are.”
“You don’t know that. You don’t know me.”
“I’ve gathered you have a mind of your own and you won’t settle. So at least, in a sense, you know what you’re looking for.”
“Maybe.”
“Just give it more time.”
“I’ll be twenty-two in December. I just feel like maybe I won’t get a first love.”
