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We fly over a pothole and both bounce in the bench seat.
“Did you just quote Super Troopers?”
Her grin grows in the orange light of the speedometer, which I’m sure hasn’t worked since I was sperm. “I love that you know that.”
“It’s a favorite of mine. What are we hunting for?”
“A rare bird.”
“At night?”
“It’s the only time they come out. They’re nocturnal.” The whiskey starts to cloud my judgment as she pulls onto a gravel road lined with trees and kills her headlights. It’s when we’re shrouded in complete darkness that I try to mask the fact that my balls are shriveling up. The windows are already down, and the crunch beneath the tires starts to play with my psyche while other things begin to bump in the night.
“Was that an owl? I don’t think I’ve ever heard one in person before.”
“Predatory birds stick together.” I can hear the smile in her voice. “What’s the matter, big city boy, you afraid?”
“Suburbs, Laney, I was raised in the suburbs, and I’m really not one to hunt.”
I can feel her eye roll. “Okay, Mr. Cocky. We need a weapon. Open the glove box.”
I do, and through the dim yellow light inside, I spot a rubber slingshot along with a box of giant BB’s. “You?
?re shitting me, right? This is the land of Republicans, and you don’t have a proper gun to hunt with?”
“Where is the skill in that?” She harrumphs.
I duck, taking cover.
“What the hell are you doing, Theo? We aren’t even out of the truck.”
“I’m waiting for the wrath of thousands of covert Texas hunters to come out from the bush and rain hell down on us.”
“It’s the first of October, hunting season doesn’t start for another month.”
“Leave it to you to take us hunting illegally.”
“Don’t be such a wuss, Houseman. This is private property.”
She steps out of her ancient truck, the door hinges creaking an ominous sound, and I follow trying to disguise my wince. If she’s not freaked out in the middle of the woods, I’m sure as hell not about to show I am.
“So, what’s our strategy?”
“Simple. The more noise you make, the more you attract them. Get your phone flashlight on.” We both beam up, and I shine my light everywhere, especially around my feet. It does little to put me at ease.
“A bird, at night? I smell bullshit,” I mutter behind her as she disappears briefly into a thick patch of trees and I keep the flashlight on my chucks to find my footing while scrambling to keep up. “This is a fool’s errand. We aren’t going to be able to catch anything without enough light. We, at the very least, need night vision goggles. Maybe there’s an app for that.”
She slaps at my hand just as I pull up my phone to check. “Put the damn phone down. There’s no skill in that either. Boys and their damn toys. Just…come on.”
“And what’s the value in hunting this rare bird?”
“Bragging rights,” she says with a sigh.
“Look, I’m not one for stuffing and mounting anything on my wall. I’m more of an abstract art type of guy.”
“No kiddin’?” She stops in the center of two large Magnolia trees and turns to me.
“This is good. I’m going to kill my light. Dim yours in your pocket. I’ll let you know when to pull it. Hand me the slingshot and some BBs. I’ll get the first one.”
