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“I said I’ll make sure Daddy spanks her bare ass real good when he gets home.” I give her a slow wink and drive off.
That might’ve been wrong, but it felt so right.
“Theo!” Laney shouts. “Are you even listenin’ to me?”
I park under a tree and grab my phone, taking it off speaker.
“Not much of a choice, ma’am. Me and the good folks of Rite Aid heard you loud and clear.”
“What?!”
“You were on speaker. I was refilling my inhaler. It’s okay. It only took me thirty minutes to get to the window.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Perfectly fine, I have nothing better to do and all the gas in the world. So, your version of Ghostin’ the Whip? I’m thinking Ole Faithful isn’t being so faithful.”
“It’s ten degrees too hot for her to be agreeable today.”
“You need to let go of that thing and bury it.”
“Lookie here, sir, this baby has been alive for almost forty years and will run until the end of time as long as I can find the right parts.”
“It’s ancient. When you fill out a form at a motel, do you put vehicle, Type: Dinosaur, Color: Rust?”
Silence. I went too far. I’ve offended her.
“Yes,” she says quietly.
“What?”
“That’s exactly what I put.”
“You’re kiddin’,” I drawl out with a grin.
“Nope. This is amazin’. You, good sir, could turn out to be my sentence finisher.”
“Where are you? I’ll come get you.”
“Guess.”
“Taco Bell.”
“As I live and breathe!”
“Laney, that’s just predictable at this point.”
“Dorito. Taco. Shells.”
“I’ll be there in ten.”
“You’re a true-blue hero, Houseman.”
“No, I just have a working vehicle. You should get on my level.”
“I can’t hear you,” she taunts dryly. “I’m chewing. See you soon.”
#brokeandbrokedown #myversionofghostinthewhip #whylortwhy #livingmyrealestlife
