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“There’s your answer.”
“Damn, you’re stubborn.” I draw her hand from where it rests on the gear shift and kiss the back of it. “I don’t need anything but you. Naked.”
“Charming, but you’re still not getting a hint.”
Expecting a long drive, I kick back in my seat, body aching after a week of hellacious practice. I feel good though, loose, though coach is still working us harder than he ever has, I feel more in tune with myself, with my capabilities.
“He’ll ease up.”
“I’m good. I was just thinking of how good I feel.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I kiss the back of her hand again. “Are you…”
“Am I what?”
“Are you okay with our arrangement?”
She glances over at me from the wheel. “Fine, why?”
“I just hope you know things would be different if we weren’t in this situation.”
“I do. And look at you, being all considerate.”
“I’m trying.”
A mile of comfortable silence passes and when she speaks up, I know exactly what’s coming.
“Lance?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask you a question?” She spares another glance my way.
I nod. I’ve seen the question in her eyes more than once.
“Tell me what happens when you put your gloves on.”
Sighing, I close my eyes. I’ve never told anyone about it. Not even my mother and she’s the closest thing I’ve ever had to a best friend.
“I become my truest self.” It’s the truth, but I can see that’s not the explanation she was looking for, so I do my best to explain.
“When you dance…whether you know it or not, you’re the most honest version of yourself.”
She remains silent but nods.
“Your dancing is beautiful because you’re not trying to hide anything, you unveil everything. Your sexuality, your thirst, your motivation, your hunger. It’s what attracted me most to you. I prefer that type of honesty over inch-thick makeup and a push-up bra any day. That’s how I feel when I’m boxing.”
“I get it, I really do. But if that’s your truest self, are you really that…angry?”
“No. That’s me letting it all out. Kind of exorcising my urges. I have a side of me that’s prone to erupt. I’ve always been a bit of a shit. It started when I was young but got worse when I was around twelve. My dad bought me a bag and taught me how to channel it. I fell in love right away.”
“Why did you stop?”
This is where it gets tricky. My honesty may scare her away.
“In high school, I snapped and put a kid in the hospital. It was the same prick who’d been messing with me since middle school. I heard he’d fucked with my little brother, and I just lost it, went too far and made him pay for everything along the way. It’s the one thing in my life I’m most ashamed of. That fight got me benched the last six games of my JV season. I decided ball was a safer outlet and put the gloves down until this summer.”
