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“Better make the most of it then,” Nana says, eyeing Lance, whose chuckle slows as a seconds’ long silent conversation ensues between them. “I’ve got some babka if you’re interested.”
“We really have to go—” I pipe up.
“I would love some,” he says, pinning me in my seat.
Lance helps me clear the dishes, and Nana and I stand at the sink when he excuses himself to the restroom.
“He’s back for you.”
“You don’t know that,” I whisper sharply, “and you didn’t have to lay into him like that. Really, Nana, periods and baby talk?”
“You know your grandfather and I met at a party. A mutual friend’s party.”
“I know.”
“What you don’t know is that he was engaged to another woman.”
“What?”
“I was a friend to the woman he was engaged to. I was by her side through all of the planning. I was at the engagement party, and there when she picked out her dress. I was forced to watch all of it.”
“That’s horrible.”
“I never spoke up, and neither did he because surely you shouldn’t be in love and break off your engagement for a person you just met. It seemed like nonsense even though it felt like anything but. If I didn’t say something, I was going to watch the man I loved marry anoth
er woman.”
“What happened?”
“I spoke up. I told her I was in love with him and lost her friendship. We’d been friends for over ten years.”
“I’m so sorry. What happened after?”
“She broke ties with me, trashed my reputation, so I withdrew. I no longer went to parties. I was miserable, and I allowed all of it. I went to him the week before he got married and told him I wanted him to choose me. He sent me away with a broken heart. But the night before he was to marry her, he came to see me. He was angry, confused. He couldn’t understand what was happening. We fought, and we hardly knew each other. It was so strange, and still, I knew. I just knew that I wouldn’t have affection for any other man or be as attracted to another like I was to him. I wasn’t innocent. I was twenty-five. I’d had my share of fair-weather romances before I met him. But I knew with him, I knew, without a doubt, if he married her, I would never marry another. I just knew.”
“So, he called it off?”
“Yes. And we were married a week later. That doesn’t happen anymore. It’s considered ridiculous now in this day and age to commit to someone you hardly know. And though we were together most of our lives, your grandfather died partly a stranger to me. There are some things about him I’m sure I never asked. Things I’m curious about even after thirty-eight years together.”
“So, you really think if he would have married her…”
“I would be an old maid. You and your mother wouldn’t exist. If I’m old-fashioned, it’s in that way. I don’t ever want to move on from your grandfather. And you’re very much like me in that sense.”
She plucks the bowl from my hand. “I’ll tell you this. He’s far less shaky than your grandfather was the night he called off his wedding, and even though he wasn’t as convinced as me, we got our years.” I bite my lip as she takes the last bowl from my soapy hands. “This is where you speak up.”
“Nana, you know what happened. I’m terrifi—”
“Speak up, Dove, or you’ll be forced to watch.”
Lance
“Proper New York hot dog from a vendor, check.” She swallows the bite she’s talking around before crumpling her wrapper with mine and tossing them into a nearby trash bin.
“Jesus, it’s cold,” she says, blowing into her hands. I tug her to me by one of them, swiping the mustard off her finger with my lips. She watches, rapt, as I place a gentle kiss on the pad of it before I let go. It’s been like this all day, lingering looks, stolen glances, sentimental words, endless eye fucking. Neither of us has given in, only been on the verge of. She wanted me to kiss her at the Garden yesterday, and I wanted to, but I’m not sure what the right move is. I’m still testing the waters. We’ve fallen back into us quickly, easily. She wants me to dream big, and the only time I’ve ever really done that was when I’ve been with her. She’s always pushed me to want more for myself, aim higher. Maybe she does it with a gentle hand, but she pushes me, and I don’t want to need that. Need her. I can’t want to rely on her again if she won’t be there.
She’s in love with her city. Her dreams came true here.
And though there’s a ton of truth to her words about New York being a boxing mecca, my future is the ranch. For the first time since I showed up here, I’m wondering if it was a mistake to come.
