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He’s silent for long seconds, and I assume he won’t answer.
“It’s not a stupid question.”
Another beat of silence.
“Nothing.”
I sigh. “I guess it’s a good thing you won’t be disappointed.”
His chest bounces. “Am I supposed to ask you what you want now?”
“Not if you don’t care.”
“I’m not future centered. Plans don’t make the man.”
“I know. I know. Live in the now, take each day as it comes. I get it, but isn’t there something you want?”
“No, but it’s obvious there’s something you do.”
More. More of him. More of Sean. More of this endless summer. But I keep my hopes to myself. Because I’m sure this can’t go on forever. That fear is starting to eat at me more and more. And aside from their ambitions, I do have my own and know one day I’ll demand more for myself. One day, maybe, I’ll choose a life or a path that neither will be able to go on with me. The thought of losing either of them, of that sort of progression is crippling. I’ve never been this happy. Not ever. My only saving grace is I’m not leaving Triple Falls anytime soon.
“What?” He gently nudges me from where he rests.
“I don’t like putting a voice to my fears. Because then, I can only expect them to come true.”
“That’s bleak.”
“It’s better than not wanting anything in the future.”
“I already know what happens,” he whispers with surety.
“What do you mean? You can predict the future?”
“I can predict mine because I make shit happen.”
“What is it?”
“Whatever I decide.”
I lift from him, and he lets me. “Just for once, can you give me a straight answer?”
“What’s the question?”
I switch gears. “Do you ever get jealous?”
He keeps my eyes, his voice even. “No.”
“Why?”
“Because he can give you the things I can’t.”
“I’m not complaining, please don’t think that. But why can’t you?”
“Because I’m not like him. I’m a lot simpler.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“It’s true.”
