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“I will,” I try to assure her, but make no promises. She’s aware of the trade, so she doesn’t ask for any.
“You’re going to be an old man one day, and then what?”
I grab a smoke from my pack and strike my Zippo. “We’ll do old people shit.”
“I said you, not me. And if you light that in this house, I’ll put a bullet in you before anyone else can.”
Closing my lighter, I ditch my cigarette and stand, pulling my jeans with me. She stretches out, tossing off the comforter, fully naked, knowing what it does to me. “You’re cruel, baby.”
She shrugs, a sleepy smile on her face. “I love you.”
“I know.”
I pull on a T-shirt and slide into my boots before I hit the safe in our closet. I grab my Glock and creep into the kitchen, using the porch light to check the magazine. When the kitchen light flips on, I turn to see my son watching me carefully.
I drop my head. “Fuck.”
“I’m fourteen, Dad. I’ve known for a while you aren’t just a mechanic.” He walks toward me and nods toward the gun.
“And Jesus was just a carpenter and a messenger who washed feet. Look at what they did to him. Everyone needs protection. Go back to bed, Dominic.”
He jerks his chin, a gesture so familiar it gives me pause, and I swear I hear his predecessor laughing at me from wherever he is. But this version of Dom looks a hell of a lot like me with dirty blond hair, my eyes, and on bad days, my attitude.
“You know better than to question me.”
“Dad, please, I’m old enough.”
“Go to bed.”
With that order, I step out onto the porch and light my cigarette, and sigh when I hear the creak of the screen door behind me.
“I’m fucking scared, okay? I don’t know what you do when you leave at night or if you’ll come back.”
“Language.”
“Mom’s not here. And you’re fluent in fucks to give.”
“Monkey needs to neither see nor do.” I inhale the smoke deeply, swearing this pack is my last.
“She gets up the minute you leave, you know, and she paces until she sees you pull back up. Then she plays possum.”
I do know, and guilt eats me raw as I exhale.
He sits down beside me on the steps, nearly dwarfing my height as I crack my neck. I knew this day would come. I just didn’t think it would come so early.
I look over to him as my own eyes plead with me, unbelieving of just how much of myself I see.
I run my knuckles over his head, and he shakes me off. “You’re too smart for your own good. This isn’t something I want for you.”
“If it’s good enough for you, it is for me. Dad, please, just tell me what this is.”
I pull my cell from my pocket and begin to type out a text.
“Whatever,” he grumbles and stands before turning toward the door.
“Grab your shoes,” I order as I read the reply.
Family first.
