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“I just…don’t know what to believe anymore.”
“We fucked up so bad with you, believe that.”
He pulls away and stares down at me, his eyes searching mine, his tone desperate. “Tell me you know deep down we aren’t those guys?”
I shake my head, unable to form words.
“Cee, that’s not us.”
“Last night, I was drugged and tattooed. Are you sure you’re not those guys?”
“Jesus,” he cups the back of his neck, “you’re right. I can’t blame you for thinking the worst, can I?”
He exhales a breath and pulls out his burner phone from his jeans before sitting at the edge of my bed. Tension begins to brew as he looks over at me.
“Ten months,” he says as I study him just as carefully, feeling every single day of the space those months put between us. “We should have told you we were coming back. I wanted to. Sean wanted to keep to the deal we made with him to prove Tobias wrong. He didn’t think…” He exhales a loaded breath, “I guess it doesn’t matter now.”
I lower my eyes to the carpet as he clasps his hands between his knees. A long silence passes before he speaks up.
“He’s right, you know. My brother spoke the truth. He’s spent half his life setting things up, always in the background, doing everything he could to fucking get this thing together. To make sure we were taken care of.” I look him over and see the exhaustion in his posture, in his eyes. “He was telling the truth.”
“I’m not sure you know the meaning of that word. That any of you do.”
“You wanted in,” he reminds me. “This is in.”
“Not this way,” I counter. “And not at this cost.”
“I told you more than once you didn’t want the truth. Why do you think I tried so hard to push you away at first?” One side of his mouth lifts. “You were so fucking perfect.” His eyes cloud with memory. “Standing there in my yard that day, and after…” he shakes his head. “I wanted to hate you. I tried so hard to hate you.”
“Didn’t notice.”
We share a sad smile.
“We always knew the truth would be the end. We always knew that keeping you in the dark was the only real way to keep you. You were amongst liars, thieves, and killers,” he says softly, “way too fucking good for any of it, and I think we clung to you because you represented everything we wanted to protect, but could never be.”
“I never saw you that way. Not ever.”
“Until tonight, huh?” He hangs his head. “Even if we’re trying to do right, we aren’t saints, Cecelia.”
The familiar pang of my name on his lips stings me, and I breathe through it.
“I’m no saint either. You made sure of that. I was a game.”
“No,” he tugs at my hand so I’m standing above him, “never, you were never that.”
“Tell me why you’re here.”
“You didn’t miss me?”
My eyes instantly water. “Every day, rain or shine.” I huff and slap the tears from my face. “Jesus, why can’t I hate you?”
“For the same reason, I can’t hate you.”
He eyes his phone and sets it down before a sad smile tips his lips. “I haven’t seen him look at any woman, the way he looked at you. I’ve never seen him light up like that. I knew it the minute I saw you together. I knew that we were fucked. Sean did too.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does. I can hate him all I want for taking what didn’t belong to him, but it’s true.”
