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“I’m tired,” I said as I lied truthfully. For the first time since I’d met him, I wanted to be away from Jack.
“Why won’t you tell me?”
“I have to go home now, okay?”
Jack’s jaw tightened as he made peace with my reluctance to share.
We took turns turning off the lights, and I locked up as he turned me to him and pulled me into his arms. I pushed back the emotion I was feeling and held him tightly in front of the center’s double doors.
“I’m headed back to New Orleans tomorrow for a bit, but I’ll be back, okay?”
I nodded, unable to voice the words I’d wanted to say earlier. “Thank you.”
“For what?” he asked in a whisper.
“For being real, being something I can touch.”
“Talk to me,” he implored again. “It won’t matter what it is.”
“I just… panicked.”
Jack pulled back and searched my eyes. “You were afraid my scans wouldn’t come back clean?”
I nodded with a sharp laugh as my eyes filled again. “I’m stupid, right?”
“No,” Jack said with no humor whatsoever, “you have a beautiful heart.”
“I’m not a fan of it,” I said as he wiped the tears away from my face for the third time that night.
“It’s what made me a fan of you,” he said in reassurance. He pulled away and tilted my chin up. “The first time I saw you, your face was full of love for the little boy you were holding. You looked so incredibly beautiful, you knocked the wind out of me.” He looked back at the building and then to me. “Just look what you’re doing with this place.” He leaned in and took my lips in a gentle kiss. “Look at you now,” he murmured. “You make it hard to breathe, Rose Whittaker.”
“And you make it easier for me,” I whispered back. “I’m sorry I freaked out. I best not pull that shit on any of my patients,” I said dryly.
“Probably not a good idea,” he agreed.
Jack insisted on driving me home on the back of his bike, but not before he had a good laugh at my expense because of my reluctance to get on. A few short minutes later, he was on my porch, kissing me with the same need he had since his lips first met mine.
“I’ll see you soon,” I said as he finished our kiss and left me panting.
“Not soon enough,” he whispered. “Sure you’re okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Jack, please don’t hold tonight against me.”
“Never. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Another whisper of his lips and he was gone.
I found myself in a scalding tub that night, brainless. I’d needed to know I was capable of feeling again, but at what cost? Was I ready to feel all that a relationship entailed? My panic attack argued against it, but everything else told me I wasn’t anywhere near ready to give Jack up.
And I wasn’t going to.
Like everything I’d been doing since the devastation of losing Grant took over my life, I’d have to do it scared.
“If that Duggar woman can push nineteen children out of her vagina and raise them, you can get out of bed, Rose.”
Days later, I sat at the dinner table with my family as my mother spoke about the opening of the center and the party she was planning for later that night after the ribbon cutting.
“Which one of you wants to speak?”
I looked to Dallas, who was looking at me. “Rose should do it since we’re dedicating the center to Grant.” She pushed another spoon of sweet potatoes into Annabelle’s reluctant mouth, and I chuckled as she spit them out. Dallas blew out a harsh breath of frustration.
