AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“After so many years of struggling with that woman, I taught myself to feel…nothing. It was the only way I could survive the marriage. But saying it should have never happened is like saying the two of you should have never happened. I’m not proud of the environment I raised you in, or the woman I let mother you, but I am so proud of you both. I’m sorry…” He looked away, trying to hide his tears as I hugged him to me. “If that car would have killed either of you, I don’t think I’d be able to handle it, Nina. I…” He pulled the moisture away from his eyes then looked at me. “Just be careful with yourselves.”
Aaron and I had agreed before our parents arrived to keep the facts surrounding the “accident” to ourselves.
“Daddy, I’ll take care of you. You’ll never have to worry about anything.”
“Sweetheart, you have done so much for us already. I’m so proud of you. I would have never agreed to you doing what you have if it weren’t for her.”
“Listen to me, Daddy. I need you to really listen to me, okay?” He looked at me fully. “She’s a lost cause, and you know it. I want you to let her go.” I was crying now as my father’s shoulders slumped with emotion and rapidly shedding tears. “It’s not too late to start over. I want you to take this one last thing from me. Just this one thing, okay? For me. Not for you, for me.” He looked up and held me tightly to him. “Okay, Belle, whatever you want.”
That was the moment I knew I had ended my relationship with my mother.
In that moment, I had my revelation that some people, no matter how much you may think you need them or can’t live without them, leave you no choice but to do just that. My mother was a dark cloud that had hovered over me my entire life, and the only way to opt for sunny skies was to refuse her presence and end the torturous relationship. And the same applied to Devin.
With Devin, it was simply circumstance that never seemed to change. I’d always love him, but would be forced to do it from afar. Not because he was the dark cloud, but because he brought his own with him, on
e that stifled my life, just the same as it did his.
Sitting on the beach now gave me some small semblance of normalcy after weeks of living on edge, wondering if my life would be cut short. Isolation had taken on a whole new meaning, one way more miserable. I’d finally made the decision to free myself from the fear inhabited prison and rejoin the world. I’d gone back to work the minute Aaron left for Florida.
Taylor, true to her word, had taken me to a shooting range several times to teach me the ropes. And suddenly, I was comfortable with a gun and now owned several.
This life of mine was strange, and I was a stranger in it. But I was getting there. Day by day, I was finding a way back to me, even in my new reality.
It was a fight for stability, and I had the mindset to win. Every day was Monday, and I was determined to try again. I ignored the sexual thirst my body had built and eventually it had careened into another type of emptiness, one I could tolerate.
I sat for hours just staring at the waves as they calmed me. After a refreshing day in the new summer sun, I stood to walk toward the large dune and saw Aiden pause mid-step as he noticed me. Seeming to make a decision, he made his way toward the beach, and toward me. I had just reached the point of being able to walk without pain. Now, seeing him, I wanted to run. I felt the burn in my throat and couldn’t help the watery emotion building in my eyes.
I’d missed him.
He stood in front of me now, his beautiful, fiery chocolate eyes telling me nothing as he watched me carefully.
“Nina,” he said low, almost as if he was sorry he’d said it.
He seemed to be bracing himself for the worst. I’d done enough to him and decided I would make this easy on him.
“Hi.” There was no way I was leading this conversation.
One long look at him and I was a fucking mess inside. I pushed it down far, letting the bite in my throat stifle it. Maybe it was his strength that was so alluring or the strong arms that could shield me for just a few minutes from the nightmare I’d been sleepwalking in. I’d been dealing with the threat on my life alone, trying hard to be the strong woman Taylor had told me I was. I’d almost begun to believe her.
Looking at Aiden as he towered over me, his beauty overwhelming, his strength emanating from him, I wanted to admit defeat. I wanted those arms around me, to feel the comfort of his touch. But I had no right to ask it of him and I wouldn’t.
His normally full lips pressed into a thin line as he watched me try not to crumble in front of him. After a minute of silence, I couldn’t handle it anymore.
“I was just leaving. You look well, Aiden.”
I started to walk past him as he gripped the side of my sundress, gently holding me in place.
What could I say? What was there to say?
He gave nothing as he kept his hold on me. The pain from the loss of him more present than ever, I felt his rejection all over again. He was truly beautiful in every way. I’d somehow held onto hope the way I always had when any of my relationships ended. I could see clearly now that it was in vain. It was time to accept it. The way I had with Devin.
“I’m sorry. I really am.” I tried to move, but he kept his grip. “Please let me go.”
“I’m sorry for the way I ended things. You deserve an explanation if you haven’t received one already.”
He stared at me intensely for a moment, seeming to read my face carefully. He was asking if Devin had shared. I felt a small ray of hope.
“No, he didn’t, and I don’t deserve it but tell me anyway.” I tried to smile and failed.
