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He cupped my face and rubbed his fingers back and forth lovingly across my skin. It felt beautiful, and his touch made me feel even more so. It was like a drug the way he looked at me. I found my resolve crumbling as his eyes pleaded with mine.
“I want you so much,” he whispered as I opened my mouth timidly and took him inside it.
“That’s it, Taylor. You are so fucking beautiful.” He smiled down at me as he gripped my hair, pushing and pulling me as I took more of him inside. “That’s good…ah…that’s perfect.”
Something inside me snapped, and I moaned as I worked him harder, clenching his hardness tightly between my lips. Nothing about it felt wrong, and I felt his body tense as I sucked harder, moved my tongue faster.
“Jesus,” he whispered as he gripped me tighter, pulling me to him. “Let go,” he ordered as I jerked my mouth away and he fisted his release on the bed. He lay down and pulled me to him in that disgusting room, and I felt the world fall away as we spent a few minutes in quiet.
“I love that no one else has kissed you, touched you the way I have. I’ll wait as long as it takes for the rest.”
I nodded in thank you as he put me at ease. “I’m fucking up, Taylor. I know I am. It stops now. I only want you.” I nodded as happy tears fell and wrapped myself around him as we listened to the rain fall outside.
“We’ll leave on your birthday.”
I sobbed into his chest in relief as he held me to him. I wanted to tell him in that moment that I loved him. I’d decided to wait until the minute we pulled out of Dyer for good, but I never got the chance.
Two weeks before my birthday, I found Laz pacing the motel with fury on his face.
“We’ve been robbed. We can’t leave!”
Every bit of hope I’d had fell into a large pool of despair as I watched him carefully. He was using again and heavily. I blanketed the loss of Laz, unable to deal with my shattered heart, and played into his game, though I knew he was lying.
I hadn’t taken enough to stifle our trip out of town.
“By who?”
“If I fucking knew that,” he seethed, “I wouldn’t be standing here!”
I played devil’s advocate. “Okay, so who knew where you kept the money?”
“Me,” he snapped as he grabbed his keys off of the table.
“I’m coming with you.”
“The hell you are.” He turned to me with contempt. “Go home, little girl, and do your homework.”
Tears built up quickly but I pushed them down in lieu of lashing out.
“This ‘little girl’ has been by your side for months, selling meth, helping you steal, and watching you wreck yourself. As far as I’m concerned, it was my money, too.” The truth was I was terrified of his retaliation and who it might be directed at. I’d known for the last two weeks that Laz had no plans of leaving Dyer anytime soon. Cedric had told me as much when I had met him to pick up Laz’s last paycheck. They’d had a falling out on the job due to Laz’s lack of appearance and Cedric was done covering for him. I was, too.
It was time to admit the truth to myself. I’d told Cedric I was leaving, and he had tried to talk me into waiting for him, but I had already learned not to trust anyone but me.
Meth had brought misery and claimed every single person in my life, and now it was destroying Laz. I couldn’t afford to be selfish and wallow in my despair. I had to do something and fast. I’d called Child Protective Services on my parents twice in the last three months, and we had yet to get an initial visit. I wanted Amber out of that house before I left, but I was failing miserably. When I realized Laz wasn
’t leaving, I’d watched his every move to find his stash spot. I’d only helped myself to enough to get me far out of Dyer. I’d left the majority of the money.
I was leaving without him.
I’d betrayed him, but he’d lied to me long enough. He was caught in the world I was desperate to escape, and I couldn’t save him.
“I’m not going to get in your way. I just want to—”
He began shaking his head before I’d even finished. “It’s too dangerous. Just go home, okay?”
“No, to hell with that, Laz. I’m coming, deal with it.”
“RED! GODDAMNIT!” He rushed me then lifted his hand as if he was going to strike.
