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“Like the fact that you were selling meth before juvie? That you were slipping my mom a bag so you could take me with you at night?” It was one of the secrets Cedric told me. I worried about that confrontation.
Shock was all I saw as he gawked at me.
“I’m not an idiot, Laz, and you have done far more bad than good when it comes to me, so spare me the righteous ‘It was all for you’ act. The truth is, things changed, you got selfish. And while I’ve been helping you, I’ve been living in the same hell. Maybe you’d forgotten that, maybe you don’t fucking care. Either way, I realized it was up to me.”
“I got robbed. I told you it would take more time,” he said weakly.
“I took your fucki
ng money,” I snapped. “It was the last thing you taught me. Look out for number one.”
In two steps, he was in front of me. I heard the slap before I felt it. Face burning, I cried out in pain, palming my cheek as I stood again from being knocked off my feet.
“Fucking bitch, you stole from me?” Time slowed unbearably as I looked for the boy I loved, once lived for, only to realize he was gone.
“You lied to me! Cheated on me and used me to peddle your filthy fucking drugs!” Rage burned through me from the years of hell I’d endured, believing in him, in us, in what we had.
“Where is it?” he said, unaffected by my words as he began to pat me down.
“Go to hell!” I screamed as he threw me on the bed and pinned me.
“Maybe I’m there, Red,” he spat over me, his large, terrifying pupils a sign of every monster I’d ever faced. “Maybe this is hell, and maybe I’ll get a better seat or earn my keep by taking what I should have from you a long time ago.”
On his knees, he ripped at my jeans as I kicked him hard in the stomach.
“Fucking bitch,” he roared as he reared back and braced his hands above my face.
“Do it. Make it easier on me,” I challenged. Boiling over, I couldn’t stop the anger, and I let it take me over.
He looked at the red he’d already stained on my face and broke. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. But I can’t let you leave, Red. I can’t.”
I pulled my piece out of my hoodie and pointed it at him. Never in all our years together had I ever thought it would come to this. What we’d just done could never be undone. We’d just hit a whole new level of fucked up. Everything inside me screamed for me to stop, that the person I had the gun trained on was Laz, that he loved me and would never hurt me. Still, I let the anger win and kept it on him as I backed away from the bed and he sprang to his feet.
“You stupid fucking slut! Who the fuck do you think you are! You are no better than me! If you leave me like this, I will find you. I will kill you.”
“You won’t find me, Lazarus, and do you know why? Because you won’t have any idea where to look.”
“You think your sumtin’ with that scholarship, don’t cha? Well, I have news for you. They can smell trash. They’ll be able to smell you a mile away. I’m all you’ve got.”
“No, Laz, you are all you’ve got. Insult me again and I will blow a hole through you.”
“Fucking whore, you—”
I aimed and pulled the trigger, shooting a clean hole through his thigh. His agonizing cries only fueled me as I squeezed again, this time clipping his ear.
I opened the door of the hotel room then looked him in the eye. “Don’t come looking for me or I’ll finish the job.”
“Red, don’t…please.” The voice belonged to the boy I used to know. As I looked into his eyes, I saw equal parts affection and hatred for me. He didn’t want me to belong elsewhere, and that was where the hatred stemmed from. The affection was something we’d started years ago and would never go away, regardless of how completely screwed up our relationship was now. Even through all of it, I still cared for him. As I stood in the doorway, prepared to leave and never lay eyes on him again, I let my feelings show, but only briefly.
“I can’t stay. I told you that. I’m sorry.” He shed a single tear as he glared up at me.
“I’ll come for you,” he warned.
“No, you won’t.” His shoulders stiffened as his greasy hair spilled over his face. He looked down at his worn shoes in defeat. I lowered my gun and walked out the door.
Eleven years ago, I walked out the door that I was currently mesmerized by. I had no idea what to expect when I walked through it now. I stared at the dented metal door and realized time had stood completely still in Dyer—always had. Nothing had improved or changed in any way. It was the land that life had forgotten. The eerie feeling I had now was the same damned dread that stayed with me from day to day while I dwelled here. Even the night air seemed stale.
Taking a deep breath, I tucked Leroy deep into the back of my pants and the pocket-sized pistol in my bra. Laz now knew where I lived. He probably knew of my success and wealth. What I was unsure of was whatever charade he intended to play out here. I could not bring this personal war back to Charleston if I intended to move on with my life.
