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“I can see you’re sincere and I sincerely don’t give a shit. I can also see that you’re drowning in misery.” I took a step toward him, my curiosity getting the best of me. “Tell me, Alex, why, if he’s the one you want, can’t you get him away from her?”
“He loves her,” he said with a humorless laugh.
“Hurts, doesn’t it?” I said, unable to keep the bite from my words. “God…” I exhaled. “What happened to when things were just simple,” I said, not really wanting an answer. I turned from Alex, needing to distance myself from him, and from the entire situation.
“It looks simple with him, Violet...with Rhys. He seems to really care about you. I know I have no right to ask, but how did you end up here? Involved with him?”
I whirled on him. “You’re right. You have no right to ask. And don’t you dare give me permission, Alex. I don’t need it from you.” He nodded quickly, but was watching me closely.
“The vasectomy?” I asked, knowing the answer. It had nothing to do with Sandra or Chris. He hadn’t met them when he took the possibility of a family with me away. It was simply the first nail in our coffin.
“I think I knew all along we wouldn’t last, Violet. I didn’t want to take that chance,” he said, pushing gravel with his shoe, unable to look at me when he spoke.
“I’m sure your new Dom found it so very convenient,” I said, disgusted. Disgusted with him, with his excuses, with the whole situation, I could no longer stomach any more truth.
I would never believe he ever loved me. I’d been nothing more than a cover for his sexuality, a way of him to save face and keep his secret from his parents. It was never a real marriage.
Alex took a step closer to me as I took one back. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Violet. You were a good wife, the perfect wife, and I never deserved you. Please know that,” he said in a plea then turned and made his way back toward the club. He looked back at me briefly before entering the club, remorse in his posture, and something I’d never seen written all over his features...defeat.
I stood staring at the door as it closed.
The very door I had opened months ago that led to my new adventure, the door that led me to Rhys, was now the door that had answered so many questions; questions I had agonized over for almost a year. I got into my car and stared out my windshield, all of the answers swirling around in my head.
The familiar heaviness in my chest returned. It had nothing to do with Alex or the unraveled truth. It had everything to do with the man who had just walked away from me...again.
I watched Bryce sleeping in the guest bed at my parents’, unsure of my next move. It was times like this that I was certain I was in over my head. Physically, I craved her more than ever, but even deeper I could feel the tear of her absence. It was debilitating and had started to take its toll.
I’d watched her confront Alex in the parking lot. I knew then I had nothing to worry about. He was never a threat to me. Then again, as long as Sandra was around I couldn’t be sure.
The revelation that Sandra’s level of toxicity had spilled into both of our lives should be more surprising to me, but it only affirmed what I already knew.
She was pure poison, and now, somehow, she’d managed to seep into everything good in my life and taint it indefinitely.
When I saw Alex take a step closer to her, I cringed. I had no regrets when I right handed the son of a bitch. No problem at all with the crack of his jaw against my knuckles. Thinking that she still cared for him in any capacity had sent me over the edge. With her, I was selfish. I wanted all of her. I didn’t want to acknowledge any part of her that still harbored anything for him, in any form. I watched their exchange closely, white knuckling my steering wheel, unable to tear my eyes away. Fucking vulnerability was not my strong suit and I had no cards left to play. I had to leave it all up to her. I had overreacted, but then again, so had she.
There wasn’t a damn thing I could do to help her. My jealousy got in the way of that and might have pushed her away from me. That and the fact that I hadn’t told her about Sandra’s unannounced visit, or my short meeting with her ex-husband. Things that seemed so unimportant then might now be the reason I lose her.
She’d deserved the answers, and the apology attached to it; one I had no right to deny her.
The sinking feeling in my chest told me that I might never get a chance to explain.
I walked down River Street with my mother, still reeling from revelation.
“He was in love with a man, Mom. A MAN! I never in a million years thought that would be the reason. It all makes sense now.” I spared her several of the details, knowing my mother couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t even handle most of it. I had been dying to tell her about the events of Christmas Eve, but up until now my father had been present.
“Violet, have you talked to Rhys today?” My mother gave me a sharp look.
“No, he’s upset with me for my reaction. But, Mom, he had to know what a shock this is, and Alex—”
“Let’s go in here and get a praline.” My mother guided me into The Savannah Candy Kitchen and spent the next ten minutes shoving chocolate covered peanuts and pralines into my mouth—all of which she grabbed from various bags she was carrying. I was trying to get the words out as she shoved the candy in. I needed her perspective. I opened my mouth again and she shoved in a chocolate covered pretzel.
“Mom, stop it,” I said, chewing quickly. “It’s very good. Are you listening to me?”
“I am but are you taking my hint, kid? I don’t want to hear about Alex and his lover. I’m happy you got your closure but you are dwelling on this a little too much, don’t you think? Do you still love Alex?” she whispered as the cashier rang up her purchases.
“Of course not. I love Rhys,” I said, honestly. “I just can’t believe—”
“Believe it, accept it, and move on. It’s a lot to process, baby, I know. And I know it’s all a shock, but where your heart belongs is where it is. Forget Alex. Forget Sandra and Chris. Think about you and what makes you happy, not what happened.” She stepped onto the cobblestone street and I followed her, watching as the trolley passed us by. She grabbed my hand and wrapped it around her elbow as we walked.
