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“Goddamnit, you stop it!” he said, his emotion coming through his voice. He took a step toward me. “I can’t keep wondering if the woman I’m with is with me! I can’t keep dreaming of a future with a woman who can’t let go of her past. And I can’t continue to let you be a part of my son’s life or mine if you aren’t certain about what you want or me! Regardless of what I’ve told you, this”—he gripped his chest with his fist—“is all new to me. I’ve never felt this way. I’ve never wanted a woman as much as I do you and I’ve never...been jealous, Violet, ever.” He covered me with his gaze as I stood stunned at his admission, unable to comment or even wrap my head around it as he continued.
“I have traded subs without flinching. I’ve let go of lovers I’ve had for a year without giving it a second thought. So when I look at you and my chest hurts, my body aches, and you say those fucking words to me, I need you to mean them. Bryce needs you to mean them. This isn’t just about me anymore. This is about us both. And we are both falling in love with you,” he admitted with a resigned look.
His phone rang as tears slid down my face and I took a step toward him. He looked at the screen and answered. His eyes turned to me, his gaze unwavering as he spoke.
“Hi, Mom. I know. I spoke to her fifteen minutes ago. I’m on my way,” he said, giving me a look of regret. He hung up and pulled me toward him so our foreheads touched. “I’m sorry. If I hurt you, I’ll never forgive myself. I should never have taken you when I was this angry. Not like that.”
“You didn’t hurt me, Rhys. I’m fine,” I assured him as he wiped my tears away with his thumbs.
“Heidi’s in labor. I need to go.”
“I’ll go with you,” I offered, hopeful.
“No.” He pulled away from me, making me instantly cold. My heart sank as he pulled his jacket on and regarded me carefully. “I need you to decide to trust me, decide to love me enough to stick around when things are good or bad. And decide that no matter what happens you won’t let it shake us. No more back and forth between us. I can’t take it, Violet. With you, I’ll always be selfish. I want all of you, not just what you’re willing to risk. All of you.”
I nodded as the tears kept coming.
He looked at me regretfully before he spoke. “I’m sorry. I have to go. I promised I’d be there.”
“Go,” I said, wiping my tears away and reaching for the door. “Goodnight.” He reached for me and pulled me close as his mouth sealed over mine in a beautiful and gentle kiss. He stroked my tongue with his and I melted into him, wrapping my arms around him as he deepened it. He pulled away as we both stood completely wrapped up in the feeling, in each other. I leaned in again for more when he brushed his lips gently against mine before whispering, “I can’t change anything about my past, Violet, and I don’t want to.” He pushed my hair away from my face and added, “You have to let go or we can’t move on. Text me and let me know you got home safe?”“ I nodded and he kissed me again before walking out the door.
I watched him drive away as I dialed a cab. I got home just in time to watch the ball drop on New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.
I can’t work.
Fuck this mouse. No, fuck this job.
I should just get the hell out of here for the day. I hadn’t done anything at all but stare at my screen for the last three hours as I thought of her. I felt terrible for leaving her at my house the other night. Other than her text letting me know she’d made it home, we hadn’t spoken. I felt like our time was running out.
One t
hought raced through my head constantly. The thought that kept me on edge, kept me from picking up the phone every hour.
I had kept my promise to her. I was all in. I had fallen hard, fast, and for a woman who had the ability to break me. So now the question remained...Was she all in? For years and years I’d had relationships with women, never giving them the kind of power Violet held over me. I grabbed my coat with every intention to head to my parents’ house. Bryce loved the beach. Even though it was winter, the weather was mild outside. I could bundle him up today. With a plan in mind, I headed for the elevator, but just stood there.
You’re fucking miserable. Just call her and see what she has to say. Anyone would have had that reaction. You can’t punish her for it.
I really hated the reasonable guy I was becoming. I used to be able to just be angry without justification, take it out on a sub and call it a day. Now I had to think my feelings through without unleashing them. I hated myself for the way I’d taken Violet. I had lost control, and for the first time it was due to my emotions, not my sexual appetite. I had come a long way since I started. I had taken the steps I needed to rid myself of my destructive urges. I had no desire to even attempt the things I used to.
I wouldn’t trade these days for those, anyway. I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s. That thought alone had me jonesing for the sight of her. I could no longer imagine being with anyone else but Violet.
I’d come a long, long way.
If she still had lingering feelings for her husband, I supposed that would be understandable given the circumstances. But at the same time, I couldn’t help but wonder why she would considering what we’d shared. She had moved me, weakened me, and was now breaking me.
You’re acting like a pussy. Work this shit out. You can’t turn your back on her because of your jealousy.
I didn’t get the chance to call her. I’d just gotten a text with an address, from her mother.
“All rise.” Everyone stood as directed by the bailiff. I hadn’t braved a glance to my left at the man who had attacked me. The minute I set foot in the courtroom, I felt nothing but terror knowing that the bastard who tried to kill me was mere feet away. I shook violently as I poured a glass of water, splashing a majority of it onto the table. My lawyer gave me a reassuring nod as I sat back in my chair and looked behind me. My mother sat close to me, giving me a similar nod, and I turned back to the action in the courtroom, completely oblivious to what was being said. I was, for the first time since my birthday, reliving the night I had almost died. I hadn’t realized just how much I had masked my fear until today.
“Violet,” my lawyer, Jake, whispered to me when my name was called. I stood quickly, my knees knocking as I approached the stand and was asked to hold up my hand.
“Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”
“I do,” I whispered, unable to find my voice.
“Please speak up, Ms. Hale,” the judge urged.
