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“Don’t! Not smart, lady!”
&nbs
p; “I’ve got this.” She tucked her cotton dress between her legs and scaled the deck like a pro.
“I give it a six at best. Sloppy landing,” I piped as I saw her head pop up behind it.
She shot me the bird.
“Hurry up, it’s hot out here!” I ordered. The sun was beating down on the top of my head and I moved to step into the shade when I heard Jasmine’s blood-curdling scream.
“What’s wrong?!” I yelled loud enough for the street to hear.
“Koti, oh, my GOD! KOTI!”
“What’s wrong? What is it?!” I scrambled to the deck and tried to peek over.
“KOTI!”
“Open the front door, JASMINE! Please!”
“OH, MY GOD! Koti! Don’t come in!”
Fearing for her life, I risked my own and leaped to the ledge of the deck holding on for dear life. My execution was far less graceful, I went over like an old maid clinging to the top of the railing before I landed on my ass. Jasmine was still screaming as I jumped to my feet, ran around the side of the house and came to a screeching halt at her back. “OH, MY GOD!”
Eighty-three-year-old John Harper lay in a deck chair spread eagle and naked as the day he was born, his dick standing at attention for all the world to see. I covered Jasmine’s eyes. “I’m so sorry, sir. I apologize. We must have had our schedules mixed up.” I turned Jasmine back the way we came as she ripped my arms away.
“What are you doing?” I bulged my eyes. “He’s naked, come on.”
With her next words, her voice got eerily calm. “I’ll meet you out front, okay?”
“Ugh, the man obviously needs some privacy.”
“Koti,” she took my shoulders in her hands. “Honey, he’s dead.”
“Dead?” I glanced over my shoulder and saw his mouth was wide open.
“Oh, my God.”
Jasmine was nodding slowly, weighing my reaction as my scrambled brain tried to process the sight before us.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, honey, he’s gone. I’ll call an ambulance and meet you out front, okay?”
A towel lay a few feet from where he expired, and I picked it up quickly and covered his saluting soldier. My heart ripped at the sight of him. “Oh no, poor Mr. Harper. I’m so sorry.”
Jasmine bowed her head. “I have to live with that image for the rest of my life.”
“Jasmine!” I scolded as she pulled out her phone from her boobs and frantically dialed emergency services.
As she explained our situation, I took a seat next to Mr. Harper and took in the view he was blankly staring at. If that wasn’t the way to go, I didn’t know what was. He’d probably just taken a swim and sat down to dry off. In the distant water, a whale breached just as Jasmine came back into view, her shoulders slumped.
“You scared the hell out of me. I thought you were being attacked.”
“All I saw was an old man’s penis. It was horrific.”
I glowered at her. “Can you please have a little respect here? This poor man just died.”
