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“You’re a real jerk, you know that? Some of us don’t have the luxury of convenient sex,” I reminded her as we threw out the trash and grabbed our purses. “Maybe you should just try and enjoy it.”
“You don’t know him,” she rolled her eyes.
“Do you love him?” I asked.
She looked at me pensively as we stepped into the elevator.
“I’ve been married four years but in love only a few of them. That’s the most honest answer I can give you. My marriage is a shitty example. Don’t let my stance on it sway you. And by the way, I was your age when I got married. He’s younger.”
“Cougar, huh?” I chimed happily, waggling my brows.
She shook her head with a wry smile. “I shouldn’t have told you.”
“Oh, you definitely should have,” I disagreed with a laugh. She rolled her eyes as we walked through the double doors of the lobby.
“Just be careful. You never really know someone unless they want you to,” she said absently. “See you tomorrow.”
She’d unknowingly struck a nerve.
My hidden fear.
That no man could be trusted.
That every man might hurt me.
I managed to muster a “goodnight” as I grabbed the rattling phone in my pocket and saw the incoming text.
Rhonda: What are your plans for June of next year?
Soon after, she sent a wedding bell emoji. I looked heavenward and shook my head. My guardian angel must have taken the year off or decided I was equally pathetic and resigned. Probably after I passed on coffee with Cameron.
I stared down at the text. Rhonda knew I’d seen the message. If I didn’t respond I’d look jealous, guilty or both.
Me: Congratulations! June is all yours! I’m in a meeting. I’ll call you after!
I hit send just before my phone buzzed in my hand with an incoming call. Thankful it wasn’t Rhonda calling me on my bullshit, I sighed and slid to answer.
“Hi, Mom. I can’t talk now.” I watched Kat disappear into the parking garage and started making my way toward the train.
“What a way to greet the woman who grew you in her body for nine months. I have stretch marks, you can give me five minutes.”
I sighed.
“Am I really that bad?” she asked playfully, though I knew I’d hurt her feelings.
“No. I’m sorry. I’m just distracted. This insanely handsome man asked me to join him for coffee on Saturday, and I’m not sure I want to show.”
“Why in the hell not? It’s been long enough. Go have some fun.”
I was being consoled by my mother and could feel the blood of an old maid start to circulate through my veins. “Yeah, well, here’s the truth. I’m sick of this whole shit show. I’m seriously over it. And working all the time. I mean I don’t want to be alone forever, but I’m not sure now is the time, either. I’m at some weird crossroads. They say it happens when you least expect it, right? I’m trying really hard not to expect anything.”
“Speaking of expecting, any idea where your brother is? He promised me dinner this week.”
“He’s such a shit. He ditched me yesterday for lunch.”
“He’s probably out at his fort,” she said, referring to his cabin in the woods. A place I wouldn’t dare visit.
“He’s an idiot.”
