AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Mason pauses from taking his shot.
“Are you sure Aiden is okay with us hanging out alone together?”
“Why wouldn’t he be?”
Mason rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “This is the first time we’ve hung out alone together since, you know, my outburst about the two of you at the beach house.”
He’s referring to when he got really drunk and told Aiden that he doesn’t know me and isn’t good enough for me.
“Of course he is. Plus, you guys are cool. He knows you didn’t mean it.”
Mason pauses for a second, pouting as if thinking about it.
“Besides,” I add, “I can do whatever I want. I don’t need Aiden’s permission to do things. He’s my boyfriend, not my father.”
“Yeah, I guess no one can tell you what to do, not even your dad.” His eyes widen, realizing his mistake. “I mean . . . when he was alive . . .”
He trails off awkwardly. We don’t really talk about my dad. Only Aiden knows the truth; everyone else just knows that he died.
“I think I started becoming more stubborn recently,” I say, just to fill in the lingering awkward silence.
He puts his ball down at the start of the next hole. “How are you handling everything? I mean, like, the whole no dad thing?”
It’s cute, really. He wants to talk to me about it but doesn’t know how to approach the subject.
“I’m all right. I mean, with everything going on, I haven’t really had a chance to think about him. But every once in a while, when I’m home alone with no distractions. . . . Sometimes it hits me that he’s gone.”
“Yeah, I guess with everything going on with Kaitlyn and Anna and Andrew and stuff, your mind stays pretty occupied.”
I meant more of the Tony situation, but sure, that too.
“I can’t even imagine what I’d do without my dad,” Mason continues. “He’s one of the only people I know will always be there for me; he’d never let me down.”
Oh boy. Ohhhh boy.
The guilt is eating at me.
Should I just tell him now? I feel like this is my opening. Brian hasn’t said anything. It’s been almost three full weeks and he still hasn’t spoken to Mason. I can’t keep lying to him. No one else is in here right now; I can get it over with. Rip the Band-Aid off. He needs to know.
“Listen, Mason. There’s something I need to tell you. I should’ve told you a long—”
“Well, well, well, if this isn’t a coincidence.”
We turn at the interruption and find Noah, who just walked in with Charlotte and Julian.
“It’s not a coincidence. You knew we were going to be here,” Mason says.
Noah feigns innocence. “Me? It’s not like I knew mini-golf is your thing with Amelia, as well as calling her k-bear.”
“I can’t tell who you’re jealous of here, Noah. Mason? Or me?” I laugh.
“Please. I don’t care about finding a thing with Mason.”
“I thought you gave up on trying to find our ‘thing’? You haven’t mentioned it in a while.”
“I did forget, because, you know, we had a lot of shit going on. But I promise you, by the end of the month, we will have a thing!”
We do have a lot of stuff going on, but it feels good to fall back into old habits, old comforts. My friends and me playing mini-golf, Noah trying and failing to find a “thing” with me that’s better than anyone else’s connection with me, Charlotte trying and failing not to laugh at Mason’s jokes, Julian’s shy smile and natural ability to make people feel at ease, even if he’s not the loudest person in the room. It’s a comfort, and I fill my heart with the way I feel in the moment, trying to hold it close, memorize its warm caress, so that when I’m miles away, friendless and all alone, I can recall this moment with ease.
“Hey, are you guys going for ice cream later? We’re coming, my treat!” Noah announces, setting his ball up at the starting point and lining up his shot.
I feel my eyes widen.
No. No, no, no.
As much as I love Noah, I need this time with Mason.
Alone.
Before I can object, Mason answers. “It was supposed to be just me and Amelia tonight, but if you’re volunteering to pay, who am I to turn you down?”
I try not to let the frustration show on my face. I guess I can’t tell Mason tonight. But I’m going to have to do it ASAP, before it’s too late.
