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I begin to sob and my voice cracks, “But…but it felt so real. I could feel everything that he was doing to me.”
Duke comes closer and sits next to me. He reaches over and allows my head to rest on his chest, caressing my hair as I bawl my eyes out for hours. I look around and see the sun begin to rise and instantly jump off my bed. I rush to the dresser and start to lay out my clothes.
“Hey, what are you doing?”
I continue to get dressed, “I can’t stay here anymore.”
Duke rises and walks to me. “What? Why not?”
I look up into his eyes and see only heartache and despair, “I won’t jeopardize your safety. I can’t do this to you. It’s been months since I had a nightmare and now, all of sudden, I get one. Something’s not right, Duke. I can feel it. I won’t have you waste your life just to babysit me. I’m fucked up and I’m not worth it.”
He reaches out for me but I pull away. He closes his eyes, pinching the brim of his nose, and exhales deeply, “So that’s what you think this is? Me just babysitting you? So, all of the flowers, the notes, the places I’ve taken you, all of the things I’ve done for you already…that doesn’t mean anything to you?”
“Of course it does. But I don’t want you feeling obligated to do anything anymore. You deserve better.”
He combs his hands through his hair, “Raya, I’m not here because I have to be or feel obligated to be. I’m here because I choose to be. Don’t you get it? I’ll always choose you.”
He looks down at the ground and breathes out, “Heck, I chased after you for years, even when you told me not to.”
He looks up and stares deep into my eyes, “Don’t you realize how much you mean to me? You’re my best friend. Without you, I’m nothing. I would do anything for you. Don’t push me away just because it gets hard. It’ll get easier, I promise.”
I look away and out into the sunrise. Duke lets out a deep breath and walks toward the door. He stops and turns back to me, “All I want is for you to be happy and safe. But if you feel like you’re trapped here, then that’s the last thing I want you to feel. If you truly want to leave, then go.” And with that, he exits the room and slams the door behind him.
I sit on the bed and think about everything that he’s said. I know he cares about me, I really do. And I care for him, too. But is it enough? I want to leave because I care. But isn’t that why I left the first time? And look where I ended up. Can I make it without him? Can I see life without him in it? I did it before, but was that even living?
As I think about the decision I have to make, thunder roars across the sky. I look outside and notice that it’s getting darker with each minute that passes by. The wind howls through the trees and the tide rolls higher and higher as the waves grow bigger. A storm’s coming.
In an instant, rain starts to pour out of the dark and dreary sky. I let out a deep breath and put my clothes back into the dresser. Music is coming from the living room and I lean against the door to listen. I can’t make out the sounds so I open the door and step into the hallway.
The musical lyrics of Bruno Mars blast throughout the house as he belts out the song, It Will Rain. I walk into the living room to find Duke, leaning by the bay window, staring out into the ocean, lost in thought. He looks beat down, heartbroken, and pissed off all at once. He notices my reflection in the window and spins around to face me.
“Where’s your stuff?”
I look down, “I decided to stay.”
He walks toward me, “Why?”
As he stands inches away from me, staring at me, I tremble a little, “Why?”
He nods, “Why are you staying?”
I hesitate, “Because I want to.”
His brow arches, “Not good enough. Why do you want to stay, Raya? Just be honest with yourself.”
“I…I stay because I care…about you.”
He leans in, “And?”
I look down at the floor but he lifts my chin, “Look at me, Raya.”
I follow his command and stare into his golden brown eyes. The warmth and passion exuding from them melts my heart as it skips several beats.
He whispers, “Why are you staying?”
My lips tremble, “I’m staying because I want to be with you. I’ll stay…for you.”
He smiles at my confession. I see his eyes drift south to my lips and I begin to tremble. My nerves get the best of me as I bite on my bottom lip.
