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Chapter Twenty-Six
RAVEN
“What’s wrong?”I whisper, not wanting to ruin the magic of this night. The delicate spell cast by the dying fire and the extraordinary sight of this powerful man sitting naked in the moonlight.
He turns his face slowly and I prepare myself for that forlorn boy I glimpsed from the blankets just a few moments ago. I prepare my face, putting on a gentle, loving expression, not wanting to discourage him from being open with me, but already that lost child has been replaced by themask.
By the man who smiles as his eyes burn holes right through me. The one who can turn chilly in an instant, freezing out whoever is around him. The sudden change in him leaves me wordless and sad to my core. Will it always be like this? Will he trust me enough one day to open up? Will I have the strength to wait thatlong?
I don’t speak as my stony-faced enigma, my back-alley James Bond, sprints nimbly to the ground. He lifts me off the ground and carries me back to our nest by the fire. He sets me down on my feet and presses his hungry mouth onto mine. All the questions I have for him dissipate in the strength of his desire, my legs going soft so it’s easy to sink onto the ground again when he does, our limbs tangling and kisses growing more desperate, as we fuse together. The coupling is quick and furious.
He looks into my eyes, his face flushed and tight as he plunges into me one last time. He roars my name as he shoots into me, pulse after pulse of hot seed, fillingme.
* * *
The weekend passesin a blur of passion. We forgo just about every activity in favor of sex in the bedroom, the nest of blankets by the fire, the two-seater dining room table, the bathroom with the throne like toilet, and outside on the grass beneath a sky full of twinkling stars. We are like two kids who just discovered the magic of mating.
We forgo the picnic by the water, the scenic drive through the country, the walks along the grounds. The only break we take from the desperate lovemaking comes in the form of meals Konstantin prepares, his skill in the kitchen demonstrated by a variety of delicious dishes he concocts without the assistance of a cookbook or access to Pinterest.
By the time we leave, locking the door to the cottage behind us and tossing our things into the trunk of the car, it is early afternoon. As we are about to get into the car I turn back to look at the castle where I have spent the most exciting and wonderful two days of my life, and I feel an unexplainable sense of foreboding.
As if something bad is waiting for me outside these gray courtyard walls. A sensation of loss. A feeling that I’m leaving something behind. Whatever Konstantin and I shared here is gone forever. The vulnerable, tender man I found within the castle doesn’t live in the outside world.
“You sure you got everything?” Konstantin asks. The wind blows at his hair, lifting and dropping it on his forehead. I love his hair. It is so silky and thick I could run my fingers through it all day long, but he pushes it back impatiently.
I shrug. “I could have missed a piece of soggy underwear in some corner, otherwise I’mgood.”
“No doubt the maids are used to finding worse,” he says dryly.
My heart hurts suddenly. He is a man of the world, perhaps for him our time here was just a dirty weekend. I force a smile and get into thecar.
The reception at the castle was terrible and I only spoke to Janna once. I know I shouldn’t, but I feel a bit guilty that I was enjoying myself while I was away from her. I send a text to Cindy.
Getting on the road. Tell Janna I’ll see hersoon!
Her reply is impressivelyfast.
Janna doing happy dance. Text us 15 minutes before you arrive.
A smile tugsat my lips. I can imagine her prancing around like that dancing little girl from her favorite YouTube video.
Tell her I can’t wait to seeher.
Her reply istongue in cheek.
WHAT ABOUTME????
I smile.I have a nice life. If only I could have Konstantin it would be perfect.
You too. Can’t wait to seeyou!
The journey is mostly accomplishedin silence, as if he too feels the same sense of loss that is settling around my heart. I send another text to Cindy when I am fifteen minutes away so I’m not at all surprised to find both of them waiting outside our apartment building. Cindy grins at me and waves, but as soon as Janna spots us she starts jumping up and down like a rubber ball. Pulling at Cindy’s hand she makes her run out to the street to meetus.
“Hang on, hang on,” I shout as Konstantin pulls up to the kerb. I leap out of the car, drop to my knees and throw my arms open. A squealing Janna launches herself directly into them. The feeling of her little body warms my sad heart.
“I missed you, munchkin!” I say, hugging her tightly.
Her hair tickles my cheek as she starts wriggling because she wants to speak. I end the hug and she twists away from me. Beaming her sweetest smile, the one that brings out both her dimples she says, “Cindy and me had loads offun!”
“Cindy and I,” I correct.
She completely ignores the grammar advice and rattles on about the ponies she has seen. One was just born and only a few inches taller than her, she says, her hands gesturing and her eyes round with wonder.
I know where she is going withthis.
“He could so easily live with us, Mummy.”
Konstantin comes around the car to stand next to me. Without warning, Janna jumps up and seizes his long legs in a hug, her head barely reaching past his thighs.
I smile up at Konstantin to apologize for her irrepressible-puppy-like behavior, but he’s looking down at her and smiling tenderly. He caresses her dark curls with his hand and the gentle sweetness of the gesture squeezes my heart. It hits me in that instant that I’m not just in love with this man. That ship has long sailed. I’m utterly, completely and totally besotted withhim.
He turns to me and suddenly that genuine, unscripted warmth chills. His eyes change.
“I will be away on a business trip for the next severaldays.”
“Where are you going?” I ask, surprised by the existence of this sudden, mysterious business trip that didn’t come up once over the last forty-eight hours.
“Nowhere interesting,” he says with a polite smile, but his expression is tight and closed.
“I did a painting. Do you want to come in and see it?” Janna asks tugging at hishand.
Konstantin tears his gaze away from mine and looks down at her. “I’m afraid I’m late. Another day, okay?”
“Okay,” she says and skips over tome.
In all the confusion and Janna’s excitement, it is not possible to say goodbye to Konstantin properly. He pulls my bag out of the trunk and Cindy takes it from him. Janna holds her hands up to me and I lift her up. With her clinging to my neck I turn to him. He goes around the car to the driver’s side and stands looking at me. For a second he lookslost.
In that moment, his eyes burn with a strange light, and he seems on the brink of telling me something important. I hold my breath with anticipation. Then he shakes his head and gives me one of his charming smiles. I’ve already learned how fake theyare.
“Well, I’ll see you then,” he says, and moves to climb into hiscar.
“Konstantin,” I call, putting the wriggling and super-hyper Jannadown.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for the weekend. I had an amazingtime.”
“No problem.”
I know it sounds desperate, but I can’t help myself. “When will I see you again?” Now Janna is hanging on my legs, hugging as hard as she can and giggling into my thighs. I lean to put my hands on her tiny shoulders and give them a squeeze.
“I’ll call you.” Then he gets in, and motors away, leaving the three of us on the sidewalk.
* * *
