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‘You have no idea what you’ve done for him. The demons had completely taken over when you came into his life. You broke them up with your softness.’
I stare at him wordlessly. How much I want to believe him, but my heart feels like it’s breaking into pieces. He never wanted me. He was trying to replace her. When he was touching me, he was really touching her.
‘He never really wanted me,’ I sob. ‘The whole time he was pretending I was her.’
He reaches out a hand and touches my cheek. His hand is warm and gentle. And it makes me want to lean into it for the comfort it holds.
‘Ah, Ella. You’re not a man. I am. Take it from me. My brother wanted Vivien the way a boy wants a girl. He wants you with the passion with which a man wants a woman. Let him discover that. Give him a chance. There’s a lot of Dom that you’ve not seen yet.’ He smiles tenderly and removes his hand.
I stare at him through a film of tears. The kindness and softness that he’s showing has surprised me. He always looks so unreachable and aloof.
‘But he doesn’t want to be with me anymore,’ I say softly.
‘If you believed that you wouldn’t be here now.’
I sniff. ‘So what do I do? Wait for him to come to me?’
He shrugs. ‘I won’t tell you what to do, but if I were you I wouldn’t let anything stand in the way of something I wanted. I’d go and fight for it until it was mine or I had died trying. The journey has just begun and the destination could be a very beautiful place.’
He stands, and walks away from me toward his desk. He comes back with a box of tissues. I pull out a couple and wipe my face. Then I stand.
‘I should be going,’ I say.
‘I’ll walk you to your car.’
‘There’s no need.’
‘I want to,’ he says with a gentle smile.
I turn toward him. ‘Thank you, Jake.’
‘I’ll always be here for you. Don’t give your ear to the devil.’
To love too much is to lick honey from the point of a knife.
TWENTY-THREE
I think I was OK while I was in Jake’s house. While I was saying goodbye to Lily and Liliana. I was even OK when Jake closed the car door for me and waved me away.
It hits me when I’m on the motorway.
Suddenly my windpipe feels like it is full of concrete. I can’t breathe. I swerve into the hard shoulder. Horns blare. I screech to a stop. I feel as if I’m suffocating. I open the car door and stumble out. I lurch to the edge of the road and collapse holding my throat. I take shallow breaths.
On my hands and knees, I pant until I feel my airways open. Cars whoosh past at great speed. Somebody thinks to stop his car up ahead. A man runs toward me. I hold my hand up, the palm facing him to tell him not to come forward. He stops a few yards away.
‘Are you OK?’
I nod.
‘Do you want me to call an ambulance?’
I shake my
head.
‘You sure?’
I nod and smile weakly at him.
