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‘Right,’ I say again. ‘We’re doing it without Mummy.’
This time he blows a bubble. I look down on the changing mat.
Wipes. Check.
Fresh clean diaper. Check.
Diaper rash cream. Check.
Plastic bag for disposing of soiled diaper. Check.
If I’m really fast I won’t get more than a lungful of stench. Adam kicks his legs and hands encouragingly. I unfold a diaper and put it close by.
Gently, I take his shoes and socks off. He seems happy enough at this stage, and so am I. I unbutton his little suit and expose the diaper. I pull his little legs out of the suit.
I take a deep breath of clean air and, holding it in my lungs, I pull both the Velcro tabs at the same time, and, detaching the diaper from his tummy, reveal the extent of the damage.
Fuck! Not good.
I grab his ankles in my hand, pull his bottom upwards, and, using the diaper, wipe away the worst of the brown mess before smoothly sliding the diaper out. I fold it on itself and fix it with the sticky tapes. As fast as I can, I clean the area with the baby wipes, making sure to get into all the folds. I dump the wipes into the plastic bag with the soiled diaper and tie it tightly.
I let out the breath I was holding in a sudden burst.
Adam grabs his toes with his hands and watches the great big gulps of air I take.
‘And then what happened?’ I say to him.
He claps his hands and coos.
‘Mummy’s the first best thing that ever happened to me, and you’re the second best thing that ever happened to me,’ I tell him.
He lets out a little squeal.
‘I know, but Mummy has to come first. Without Mummy there would be no Adam. You see how all this works, huh?’
I carry on talking more nonsense while I apply diaper cream, and then I lift his little bottom up again and slide the new diaper under him. I pull it over and snap the Velcro bits down. I dress him again in the same clothes. I tickle the soles of his feet and he cackles with laughter, his big blue eyes sparkling with innocence.
‘You wait until you become a daddy. Then we’ll see how you get on with changing dirty nappies.’
I wipe my hands and, picking him up, hold him close to my chest. After a big kiss and hug, we go downstairs. He can have a bottle of lovely warm milk while I have my glass of whiskey.
I’ve fucking earned it.
I open the door and see Dom coming down carrying Adam. My face breaks into a happy grin. No matter how many times I see the two of them together the joy that fills my heart never lessens. I love them both so much sometimes it feels as if my heart will burst with happiness.
‘Hello,’ I say.
‘Ah, Mummy’s home,’ Dom says with a grin.
‘Hello darling,’ I say going closer to them. Adam is so crazy about his Dad he will not come to me or anyone else when his father is around, but he does make an excited squawk and wave his little arms at me. I walk up to them and standing on tip- toes kiss first Dom and then my beautiful son.
I touch Adam’s diaper. ‘Does he need changing?’
‘All done.’
My eyebrows rise. ‘You changed his diaper?’
‘Of course.’
