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I took the key to the truck my dad owned and left it in the seat. Nash walked up to me, and we silently started loading the boxes of my life into the back of the farm truck. It took about five minutes with us both working at it. When we were done, I turned and looked behind me at the house.
Memories of Mom were there. Some good, many bad. Dad wasn’t here, and I figured he’d left to avoid me. I was fine with that. I didn’t want to see him, either.
“She wasn’t happy. He made her life hell,” I said to myself… to Nash… I wasn’t sure.
Nash put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed tightly. “She’s at peace now,” he said.
“Yeah. She finally got away from him,” I agreed. “Let’s go.” I turned and went to get in the driver’s seat of my truck. Nash climbed in the passenger seat.
“This thing smells like stale beer and cigars. It’ll be a real lady magnet at Ole Miss,” Nash said, grinning.
“Yeah, that’s why I bought it.”
He laughed then.
I was going to miss him. We’d never spent so much time together as we had this summer. He’d helped me through some tough shit and I owed him.
“Thanks for this summer,” I said.
“Yeah, well, you were a pain in the ass. Just glad you’re leaving,” he replied.
I laughed and headed back to his house to let him out.
“You gonna go see Ezmita before you drive away?” he asked me.
I had debated on that all morning. Last night I’d been drunk, but I remembered telling her I loved her and then just leaving. Real smooth. “I think so. Probably,” I said.
“You’re going to. Besides, McNair said you told her you loved her. You can’t just leave it at that.”
“I was drunk.”
“Drunkenness brings out the honesty in folks.”
“Shut up,” I said, not wanting to keep talking about this anymore.
“Fine.”
I pulled into his driveway and parked. He opened the truck door, then looked back at me. “All jokes aside, you’re always welcome here. When you need to come home, the door is open.”
I nodded. “Thanks, man.”
“Now, I’m going to leave before we get mushy and shit. Go give ’em hell,” he said, then climbed out of the truck and closed it.
He waved and I waved back before pulling out of his driveway and heading toward the Quick Stop.
I tried to pay at the pump, but Mrs. Ramos came outside waving her hands. “I said free gas!” she called out to me.
“Yes ma’am. Thank you,” I replied.
She nodded and went back inside. I searched the windows for Ezmita and found her at the counter, looking directly at me. She lifted her hand in a wave. I waved at her to come outside. Nash was right. I was going to see Ezmita before I left.
I finished just as she was walking out the door.
“Hey,” she said. “Heading out?” Then she looked at the truck behind me. “Didn’t recognize you in that truck.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I bought this one from Nash’s dad. I left the truck my father owns with him. Didn’t want any ties.”
She nodded in understanding.
“Can you talk? I mean can you take a break?” I asked, feeling awkward and hating that.
She glanced back at the store, and I saw one of her sisters inside. “Yeah, Rosa is watching things.”
“Want to get in?” I asked.
She nodded and walked around to get into the truck.
I climbed in and saw her scrunch her nose.
“Sorry. It smells bad.”
She nodded in agreement.
I moved the truck to a parking spot and then cut the engine again. I wasn’t sure what I needed to say or how to say it. We sat there in silence a moment. I almost thought she’d say something, but she didn’t.
“I’m sorry about last night,” I said. “What I said, I drank too much.”
“It was your last night with your friends. You probably needed to drink,” she replied.
“Ezmita,” I began, and paused.
“Asa, this doesn’t have to be hard. We say our good-byes and you leave. I don’t want this to feel awkward and weird.”
“But it is hard. Not because I told you I loved you while I was drunk but because I’m leaving and I don’t want to leave… you.”
“Don’t. Don’t say things like that. You told me that you didn’t want to hurt me. Well, when you say things like that, it hurts me. So please, just say good-bye and go.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to hurt you. I just… I need you. I was drunk and I should have never said that to you while I was drunk, but it doesn’t make it less true. I love you and I don’t want to lose you.”
She sat there staring at me silently. I waited for her to say it back or maybe for her to smile. I didn’t want her to hurt because of me. I wanted to bring her happiness the way she brought me happiness.
