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The pain in his voice weighed on me. I wanted to tell him he didn’t have to do this, that I was sure his brother would listen, but I could tell Ambrose needed to talk, and I was the person who was there for him now. I would be whatever he needed.
“I sailed through my initial training,” Ambrose said. “After everything I’d taught myself living out in the bayou and the need to stay in shape to be part of a family like mine, I was well prepared for everything my commanding officers threw at me. As soon as I could, I applied for a special forces position. That training beat the shit out of me. I wondered how people from cushier backgrounds made it through it at all, but I survived and became a Green Beret. I was so fucking proud of myself. Dax was proud of me too.
“I saw all kinds of shit that would’ve left anyone scarred. I did things that made me sick to my stomach, but they were what needed to be done. Had that been all my career included—what came to be almost daily horrors while I was deployed—I’m not saying I wouldn’t have been affected, but I wouldn’t have come back like I am. Broken. Unable to even be around my family for long, much less anyone else.” His voice cracked on the last words, and I reached up and stroked a thumb over his cheek. “Tell me what you need.”
“Just stay here like this. It’s nice to have the heat of you against me. I feel so cold whenever I think about what happened.”
I pulled the covers up over us and wrapped my arm around his waist, hugging him tightly. “I’m here.”
“My unit was embedded in a village working with some allies.”
I knew better than to ask him where the village was. He was likely already telling me more than he should.
“We were told to prepare for a strike against a group of insurgents that were encroaching on us. Our supply lines had been cut, and we were running low on ammo and had no air support. If we didn’t make a move that allowed us to get out, we would have run out of food.”
Ambrose paused, and I caressed his chest, trying my best to soothe him.
“I led a group of soldiers to their camp, and we took them on in hand-to-hand combat. It was brutal, not because they were the well-disciplined, vicious men we’d been warned about, but because they kept telling us they wanted to be our allies. They begged for their lives as we killed them, and in the end, we learned they had been telling the truth.”
His choked voice had me looking up at him. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. I pulled him into my arms, and he buried his face against the side of my neck. I slid a hand into his hair, petting him, holding him, wishing there was something I could do as sobs racked his body.
I couldn’t imagine how I would feel after killing someone then learning they had wanted to be friends, that they were innocent. I had so many questions. I wanted to know how it had happened. Was it intentional on the part of his commanding officers, or was it a true accident? I didn’t ask. Ambrose might not be able to say even if he wanted to. I would listen as long as he needed me, but now wasn’t the time to push him to tell me more. What he’d told me was enough to make me understand the level of pain I’d seen in his eyes.
“I’m so sorry.”
Ambrose nodded against my shoulder. “I stabbed a man as he begged me to listen to him. I stabbed him right through the heart, and I’ll never forget his face. Never.”
I kissed Ambrose then because I couldn’t think of anything else to do.
19
Ambrose
The pressure of Eric’s lips against mine pulled me from the horrible memories and brought me to the present. I was there with a man who cared about me. I’d just told him about the worst day of my life, and instead of rejecting me, he was kissing me.
I clung to him, reveling in his kiss. He was gentle, which was what I needed right then.
When he pulled back, he brushed his fingers over my cheeks. “Thank you for trusting me with all that.”
“You aren’t afraid of me now? You don’t want to run knowing what I’m capable of?”
“That you’re capable of following orders. That you trusted your commanding officers instead of men you believed were trying to trick you.”
“I knew something was off. Nothing about the mission felt right. I could have called it off. The men there would have listened to me.”
“And what would have happened to you?”
