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“Until you,” Jett acknowledged.
“I still don’t understand why you didn’t join us the past couple of days—”
“Fuck,” Jett whispered harshly. This time he was the one to try and pull away. I clasped the side of his neck and wrapped the other around his wrist.
“Talk to me, Jett,” I implored.
The muscles in Jett’s neck were strained and his eyes were squeezed shut. He looked like a wild animal on the verge of biting off a limb to escape a trap.
“I’m afraid to try,” he finally admitted.
“Try?” I asked softly because I didn’t know what he was talking about.
“I can get hard, but I don’t know if I can…”
Understanding dawned. Before I could respond, Jett continued with, “I know if I see you again, fuck, if I even have thoughts about you, I get—” He paused and shook his head. “I’m tired of cold showers and working out.”
My heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest. Jett was admitting that he was physically attracted to me enough to get an erection, but he was too afraid of not being able to achieve an orgasm if he tried to masturbate. Since I knew exactly what it felt like to have a perpetual hard-on for the man above me, I understood his frustration. It was a hunger he could never sate.
Jett slowly lowered himself down until I was bearing all of his weight. I automatically wrapped my arms around him and kissed his neck since it was the only part of him I could reach with my mouth.
“Still glad you came looking for the truth?” Jett asked tiredly.
He had no idea.
“Lift up a little,” I murmured. I wasn’t surprised to see disappointment in Jett’s eyes as he began to get off of me. But it only lasted long enough for me to run my hand down his back and over his ass before moving it to his groin. The second I palmed his erection, Jett froze. I kept the contact up just enough to keep his attention. Since I had seen proof that he could balance his upper body just fine on one arm, I reached the hand I’d been caressing him with up and joined my fingers with the ones on Jett’s right hand. Jett’s eyes were bright with lust as he watched me move our joined hands down my body. I groaned when he released my hand and continued the journey on his own. My body was strung up tight as he caressed my abdomen with the tips of his fingers. When they traveled down to my painfully hard cock, I managed to remember what the goal of all this was.
I grabbed his wrist to stop him and waited until his eyes were on mine again. He looked confused. “Do you trust me, Jett?”
I knew it was an unfair question to ask so early on in our relationship or whatever it was we had between us, but it was something I just had to know.
Jett slowly nodded, then dropped his mouth to mine. It was a deep, long, sweet kiss. When he broke the kiss, I moved his hand and mine again until they were both hovering between our bodies. I lifted my free hand to stroke Jett’s face. His eyes had gotten trapped on our joined hands but when I caressed his cheek, he turned his head to look at me again.
“Touch yourself, Jett.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
JETT
I was sure I’d heard him wrong.
Just as sure that I was caught up in yet another dream that would leave me bereft and frustrated.
But God, I wanted it to be real. My body hurt everywhere and I wanted, needed it to stop. Put a weapon in my hand and point me at the enemy and I was fearless, but I was such a fucking coward when it came to trusting my own body anymore.
“Jett,” Sawyer whispered, pulling me from my thoughts. He pressed a kiss to the right side of my mouth.
It wasn’t a dream. It really wasn’t. If it had been, I would have woken up a long time ago. Long before I uttered those humiliating words that proved I was only half a man.
If that.
So it wasn’t a dream. Sawyer really was here. His hand really was covering mine where it was hovering just inches from my cock. And he really had just ordered me to touch myself.
I couldn’t do this. I just couldn’t. It was one thing to admit that I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to make myself come, it was another thing to actually have it confirmed in front of the one man I wanted to be completely whole for.
“Trust me, sweetheart,” Sawyer said softly. He didn’t physically try to move my hand, though.
I felt like my lungs were going to explode. I was so fucking hot I was sure I’d burst into flames and yet something inside of me was so cold. I could feel the tears pricking the backs of my eyes as I shook my head. “This hurts so fucking much,” I admitted.
