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“Theo.” The idea would normally repulse me, but it’s as if he’s empowering me. Giving me the power back. Why does it feel like I defeated a monster?
“Tell me you don’t want me to kiss you. Tell me you don’t want this arrangement. Because if you don’t tell me that, I’m going to fucking kiss you, and I’m going to make you beg for me to keep going.”
In that moment, I let the adrenaline, the desire, the heavy weight of lust drowning me take over, and I nod softly. Then he does. Those full lips collide with mine, and the instant they do, he growls, and it goes straight to the spot between my legs. I trust him in this brief moment, believing there is no way he would have done that if he truly had the wrong intentions. Could it be he really does want to have this type of relationship with me?
A crass, sexual relationship that I hate to admit may keep me hungry and make me feel the most alive I will ever feel?
Maybe.
“You taste so fucking good, puppet. God, I bet that honey between your legs tastes like a delicacy.” He bites my bottom lip, and a moan escapes me right before he takes the opportunity to bring our tongues together.
Holy hell. He taste good too. Like a stranger but someone I know all at the same time. It’s exciting, invigorating, downright lethal the way it all makes sense but confuses me more. He tightens his hand on my throat, controlling the kiss, showing me how he wants it and just how I need it.
“I have to have this with you, Hanna. You and me and nothing but silk, ropes, and violence. You make me want to do it all. But you have to be willing. All of it. We will make rules.” He says all this in between bites, licks, and suction along my lips, cheek, and jawline.
I peer up at the night sky, the stars drowned out by the bar’s neon lights. It looks like a pit of blackness, and it’s oddly similar to how I’m feeling inside. Lost and falling into the unknown, never knowing when my feet are going to find solid ground again.
“What are the rules then?” I get out the words the best I can, yet they still sound shaky.
“No love. No relationship. Just you, me, and sex. I will not sleep with other women, and you best believe you will not let another man touch you. You will be mine. You understand?”
“So you think you will own me?”
“No, I know I will, and once you let down this wall, you will see just how much you want this too, Hanna. You won’t be able to want anything else. You will want this more than air.” He tightens his grip on my neck, and I feel the restriction, making it harder to breathe.
“You can’t hurt me,” I choke out, and he loosens his grip.
“Oh, I plan to.” He leans back, smirking sinisterly, taking his thumb and rubbing it up and down the column of my throat.
“I mean… we need to discuss that a little more, because I mean literally. I’m not saying you have to love me, but you can’t hurt me after we end whatever this is. Don’t make me feel like I was a joke.”
He eyes me over, and he whispers, “I want you to draw me a map of all the places you’ve ever hated on your body.”
I scoff. “No map needed. Just look at me, and you will see it everywhere.” I feel naked in my vulnerability. But if he wants me to let him in enough to have me intimately, he needs to know what I can’t handle.
“Oh, puppet. What a shame that this world ever made you afraid or ashamed to love yourself. What a shame they don’t see what I see.”
“And what is that, Theo?” My voice is harsh, not sure where he’s going with this.
“A woman so beautiful. Someone who craves and deserves the touch and desire of the man who is standing in front of her—wanting so badly to give it to her. A woman who was lied to by the whole world. A blind world. I see everything I wish you could.”
“That will never happen.” No one will ever be able to undo the damage that was done to me.
“You will choke on those words. Regret them. And I can’t wait to watch them drain from you and be replaced with lust. Not just for me… but for yourself.”
I laugh, my cheeks reddening. “How can one lust after their own self?”
He cups my face, leans in, and bites my earlobe. “Don’t worry. I’ll show you.”
With that, he’s gone, breaking all physical contact. “Now let’s get you home and eat dessert. Our dinner was ruined before we could get to it, and we still need to go over rules.”
