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Thank God.
I am packing tonight and don’t feel like putting a gun to anyone’s temple. It just proves to me that she wants me. She can’t replace me. She can’t stop thinking about what I said before all this happened—that I would ruin her for all other men—and I did just that.
A new song—one I’ve heard—starts, “Ocean Drive,” and she starts dancing, tossing her long dirty-blonde hair to one side, and that’s when we lock eyes. I move to her like she’s prey, and I’m the hunter. She doesn’t attempt to turn and run. No, she feels the music, dancing and tempting me with her body. She has never looked more desirable than she does now—confident, sexy, and still missing me.
When I reach her, she turns and presses her back to my front, grinding against me with a purpose. She moves like a skilled dancer, ready to show me what I lost. That’s what she thinks. Really, she’s just showing me what I’m going to get back.
My greatest possession.
Her.
We dance to the beat, and when my hands find her hips on the crescendo of the song, I lean down, bite her ear, and growl, “I’m going to ruin you in this dress. Fuck you in it, then tear it to shreds while I take you over and over. Until your cunt hurts and you forgive me.” On that note, she turns, and I think she’s going to leave, but she doesn’t. She leans up and kisses me, taking my mouth, and I return the kiss with a hundred percent conviction that I have won her back.
Our tongues punish each other, and we fight for dominance. I kiss her, bite at her, lick at her tongue, and she does the same. It’s messy but calculated. When the song stops, so does she, leaving me wanting more, and then she turns and heads for the exit. I hurry after her, and once we’re outside and hit the pavement, I chase after her.
“Come on, baby. Where are you going? You think you can just leave me?”
“Exactly, you stubborn son of a bitch!” she yells, passersby giving us judging looks.
“You kissed me back there. You want this too. I know you do, so tell me what I can do to get you back! Fuck!”
This stops her, and she turns on me, poking me in the chest. “I was a fucking job. You fucked me as a job. How could you think I would ever take you back?”
“Because,” I say.
“Because what?” she yells, her voice cracking with heavy emotion.
“I betrayed you. Lied to you. Tore your heart down the middle when it was already broken, but the lie led me to you. This lie… gave me this love. And I’m sorry this lie destroyed your trust.”
She stops, stunned. There isn’t anything said for a solid minute or two, but then she speaks. “Goddamn you! Damn you!” She brings her fist down repeatedly on my chest, crying and screaming how mad she is. “I loved you.”
Past tense? She said that past tense.
“No, you still love me. I just fucked up, and I will do that from time to time, but Hanna, before you, I didn’t know happiness or love. And because of you, I do, and I’m not sorry about how we started. I’m not. I’m sorry it hurt you and broke your heart, but I’m not fucking sorry that it gave me you. But you have the words to say to end it all. In fact, all it takes is that one word, and if you say it now, I will go and leave you alone. If you don’t, then I will spend the rest of my days proving to you that the secrets I held and the shadows you ran from were worth it. Because it gave us the greatest goddamn love the world has ever seen. Your call, baby.” I’m two feet from her, and I wait it out.
There’s a pregnant pause, and finally, she speaks.
“Sirius.”
And my world crumbles around me. Hanna isn’t going to forgive me. I fight the tears I have never cried until Hanna. I’ve never loved until her. I never had something worth fighting for until her, and now I have none of her.
“Okay. I set you free.” I turn and start to walk away.
“Sirius,” she says again, and I stop, looking up at the night sky, hurt that she said it again. “The brightest burning star. The hottest flame. The most explosive star there is. Sirius. You are my everything, Theo,” she whispers and it hits me. She is using it as a safe word as forgiveness.
“You are my greatest fucking love, Hanna.” And like that, we collide in a few strides, her body melting into mine, and we kiss, my hands around her neck and hers on my hips. I devour her mouth, reclaiming what is mine. Tearing myself free, I kiss her cheek.
