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“Nope. He refused to entertain the subject during the celebration and told me that bringing it up further would be a sign of disrespect. That I would be displaying to the other gods a lack of filial piety.”
Erlang Shen raised his drink in a toast.
“Here’s to the delicate sensibilities of our elders,” he said. “The most important and fragile treasures in the universe. May we break our backs protecting them.”
“Hear, hear.”
We watched the newly minted adults frolic on the green. Most of them probably only called their parents once a month on average.
“I didn’t ask what you were doing here,” he said. “You don’t live in this city. And when I first saw you, your face looked like death itself.”
“Gee, thanks,” I answered. “I was gazing into my future.”
“What did you see?”
“That the only way to keep my loved ones safe forever is to self-immolate,” I said. “I have it all planned out. I’m going to sit on top of Half Dome and send a golden light into the sky like I did when I was still in Ao Guang’s treasure hoard. It’ll be a beacon for every yaoguai to come and get it. A dinner bell.”
“I’ll fight them all in one big battle,” I went on. “King-of-the-hill style. If I can’t defeat them all, I’ll take down as many as I can.”
“It’s not a bad plan. Do you know how to glow with Heavenly light?”
“Nope. I’ll have to figure that out first. And I notice you’re not trying to talk me out of it.”
“There’s nothing wrong with grand gestures sometimes. I will say this, though, if you’re planning to go down in flames . . .”
He leaned back on his elbows. “I, as an immortal with infinite eternities to enjoy, advise you, a pathetic insect whose life span is but a candle flicker, to at least have some fun before you die.”
I could only laugh at his brutal honesty.
“That’s partly why I chose the nearest national park,” I said. “I’ve never been.”
“What else do you want to do?”
“It’d be cool to stop a crime in progress. Like a superhero. It’d have to be a regular, human crime. I don’t know why, but yaoguai wouldn’t count.”
“Of course not. You’d need the change of pace. Anything else?”
“I want to destroy something.”
He was taken aback at how quickly I said it. And perhaps at how much I meant it.
“I want to lose control and utterly wreck something,” I said. “I don’t know what. Probably not anything anyone cares about, like a building. But maybe a boulder. Although some people would be angry if certain landmark boulders were destroyed, so I can’t do it in the park. I’d have to go to a quarry.”
“You’ve . . . given this some thought, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, that’s not a Ruyi Jingu Bang desire. That one’s pure Genie.”
“You know where you could really go nuts with your powers?” he pitched. “Heaven.”
“I’m sure that would go over well with the other gods, seeing as how I wrecked the place the last time I was there.”
“I’m serious,” he said. “There are so many holy mountains that no one uses. The place is infinitely big; it won’t matter if one tiny part gets leveled.”
He sat up and faced me.
“Tell you what. Why don’t you come with me to Heaven for a bit? As my guest? We can check out the Peach Banquet together. With you there, it might be tolerable. And if you don’t like it, we can go break stuff. It’ll be fun.”
“Isn’t there that time difference thing? If I’m in Heaven for a day, I’m gone for a year on Earth.”
