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I closed my eyes at her name and shook my head. Clarissa had been Max’s high school crush and when they both moved onto college, she finally relented in to Max’s attempts to woo her and they dated, until the day Max took the bar exam and then she just disappeared off the face of the earth. Max spent months trying to find her but he never could, her parents refused to tell him where she was or her reasons for leaving. “And you believed her?” I asked accusingly.
He scoffed then shook his head, “You know I don’t believe anything without proof, Raine. I threw her out of the office and slammed the door on her, but I couldn’t get her out of my mind, she looks the spitting image of Clarissa.”
My eyes travelled towards the clock on Max’s side of the bed, it was coming up to 6.45pm and all I could think about was getting to my dance lesson, if I was late Nikoli wouldn’t be happy. I was about to suggest we carry on this talk about his so-called daughter later so I could get out of here, but Max had other ideas when his mouth began to move and his dulcet tones hit my hearing again. “She came back to the office three days later, she had sat outside my office for five hours whilst I’d been in court, just sat there waiting for me.”
I tried to stifle a yawn as I glanced toward the clock again. “So, she is your daughter then?” I pressed urgently.
“Yes. We had words that day and I decided to get a paternity test done. I got the results two weeks
ago, she’s mine all right,” he said. The words poor bitch threatened to fall from my mouth.
“How old is she? She looks like she’s my age!”
He looked up at me and ground his jaw before answering. “She’s twenty.” He sharply stood up with his palms up towards me, “I’m so sorry, I had no idea she existed.”
My insides churned at the thought of being a step-mother to a girl two years younger than me. If I’d have found this out a few weeks ago, I would have died of embarrassment, especially considering Max was hell bent on ensuring he had the snip before we got married, because he didn’t want children. I went along with it, because I only wanted what he wanted, I was happy when he was happy and I stupidly gave no regard for how I would feel being childless myself years down the line. Now, as I think about it, I’m glad he had the snip, how would I have been able to bring up his child in this kind of environment? How would I ever get away from him if we had of had a child together? I’d always be tied to him until the day I died.
That’s when I realized, I did want children one day, just not Max’s. “So why now? Why has she suddenly come seeking you out?” I asked. I bit down on my lip and my eyes wandered back to the clock, it was now 6.55pm and my heart dropped, it didn’t look like I’d be getting anywhere near to the dance studio tonight.
“Clarissa had told her I died when she was little, by all accounts I wasn’t worthy enough to be informed she was carrying my child, or be involved in her life, physically or financially,” he grumbled. He started to pace up and down the bedroom. “Her mother died, six months ago, she had a heart attack. When Shona began going through her mother’s things she came across a load of photos of us together and love notes we had written along with a letter Clarissa had typed up outlining all her father’s details. Her grandparents confirmed everything.”
I pushed away from the wall and took a seat at the dressing table to look at my neck, it was still burning and I knew there would be marks in the morning. “So why all the secrecy and lies? Why didn’t you tell me who she was last week when she was at your business function?” I asked, pulling out a silk scarf from the bottom drawer and dangling it around the back of my neck.
“This has been hard enough for me to deal with, you know how I felt about kids, I didn’t want them! I needed to get my own head around it before I had to tell you and then deal with your meltdown over it!” He snapped.
I turned to face him and narrowed my eye’s as a scoff of disbelief flew from my lips. “My meltdown? She’s a grown woman, Max, twenty years of age, not a five-year-old child!”
“I know she’s a grown woman! What, do you think that makes it easier do you, because she is an adult? Of course, it doesn’t, it makes it fucking well worse because I’ve missed absolutely everything! I never had a chance to be a father to her because I knew nothing about her,” he growled, coming to a standstill in front of me. He sighed and dropped to his knees, grabbing my hands in to his. “You want the truth? Why I kept it a secret?”
I pulled my lips in to a thin line and fixated on a spot on the carpet, doing my up most to avoid his eyes. “I wanted to get to know her on a one-on-one basis before I sprung her on you. I imagine it wouldn’t be easy finding out you’re a step-mother to a woman two years younger than yourself…” He sighed and trailed off, resting his head on my lap.
I knew what was coming. The begging, the apologies then it would be the roll on the bed before he would act like nothing had happened.
But not this time. I pushed his head from my lap and yanked my hands away as I stood up. “Do you have the proof, that she’s your daughter?” I caught the shrill of the house phone ringing out on the landing and I swiftly turned to check the clock. Ten past seven. I had a gut feeling it was Petra wanting to know why I hadn’t turned up. I went to walk towards the bedroom door when I felt Max’s hand grab my wrist.
“Leave it, we have things to talk about,” he said quietly, gently trying to coax me back in to the room.
“The proof?” I snapped. My patience was beginning to wear thin, my anxiety at not being at dance class was starting to build within and I had an unnerving feeling that if I didn’t make some form of contact with Petra, and soon, either she or Nikoli would turn up at the house and that’s the last thing I needed.
Silently, he turned away from me and headed towards our large, framed wedding photograph adorning the opposite wall. Pulling back the frame he revealed the safe, the safe that I was never privy to the combination to. Until now. He turned around and instinctively I diverted my attention to my nails, once he turned back towards the safe, I took a small side step to the left and clearly watched him type in the numbers 2, 11, 15. The first two numbers being my birthday and the last number being the year we got married.
I smiled to myself as I sidestepped back to my original spot. I knew he kept cash in there and I was going to make sure that when I walked out on him, the contents of that safe would be going with me. The phone rang again as he slammed the safe door shut and replaced the photograph. “Maybe I should get that,” I said sternly.
He shook his head as he walked towards me holding out an envelope, “I’ve said leave it once, I don’t like repeating myself.” He thrust the envelope towards me.
Snatching it from his hand I quickly pulled out the contents and scanned my eyes over the paternity test. I nodded and rammed it back in the envelope then pushed it into his chest. “Why did you let her flaunt herself at your function? Let her lurk around in the shadows taunting me? Then slap me for calling you out on the looks that passed between you, if all she is, is your daughter?” I was aware that my tone was high-pitched and laced with anger, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care anymore. “Then you buy a pearl bracelet, that I, your wife, would somehow stupidly mistake as a gift for me to then find that my actual gift was a shit $10 book token. Let’s not also forget your denial at seeing her, you had the chance to tell me who she really was, but you selfishly withheld that piece of information. Tell me, Max do I mean that little to you to not know who she really was?” I snarled as I came to a standstill in front of him, my hands gripping on to my hips to prevent them from doing something stupid.
I heard the phone ring again and this time I bolted from the room and raced towards it. “Hello?” I gasped because Max was coming up right behind me.
“Tell me, Raine you’re safe?” Came the panicked voice of Nikoli.
“I told you to leave it!” Shouted Max.
“Myshka, I’m at the end of the road. Get out of the house…” I faintly heard him say as Max tried to grapple the receiver out of my hand. Pushing his hands away I slammed it back down.
“Who was it?” He asked, cocking his head to one side and smirking.
“If you must know, it was Gleb. I haven’t shown for dance class and he was doing a roll call, obviously, I didn’t get chance to speak before you came charging towards me like an over-bearing father!”
