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The next two weeks went by so fast and in much the same way. Outside of work we were spending lots of time together. Mostly at his place, but sometimes he stayed with me. There were times that he put distance between us, but those moments didn’t last long. Those moments ended up with us naked, panting in scorching passion. Mostly, we were like a couple, but we were also friends which made me feel giddy. I tried not to fantasize, but I couldn’t help thinking we were going somewhere, moving forward into a relationship… or something close to that.
At work, Kellan and I started to work on a side project after the meeting. I was still doing working as his assistant, but mostly we were working together. He never made me feel like I was beneath him… except when we had sex, which was often, but that was completely okay. I liked his body on top of mine… and whenever we were near that was how we ended like all my thoughts found its way to us, naked.
For two weeks, Kellan and I’d worked, fucked, and drove each other crazy by pushing our buttons, encouraged each other when it was about the project, and fucked each other some more. Everything was going well, except the same question running through my mind every time we had sex… or every time I felt that strange feeling when I caught him looking at me in that weird and intense way. It was different than his I-want-you-now-look. But I had no idea what to make of this look when he gave it to me. I just knew that it was doing different things to me.
“What are we doing, Kellan?” I whispered, caressing his hair, couldn’t keep the question to myself any longer when it was ripping my insides apart. We were mostly naked, our scent was on each other yet he was withdrawing himself from me… again… like every time he did after we had sex or after I felt like we wer
e moving forward… to something like a relationship.
“Don’t,” he said to my breasts, playing with my nipple, trying to distract me. It might work, if this topic wasn’t so important for me.
“Don’t what, Kellan? Don’t you think we need to talk about this? Don’t you think I have every right to ask you this?” I insisted.
“You’ll ruin this, Melody,” he groaned.
Holding his face in my hands, I made him look at me, “I just want you, want to be more than just a fuck to you. Don’t you think we deserve this?”
“There is nothing more… no hope for more. No hope for “us”. I’m giving you all I can, Melody,” he said, troubled, his eyes were powerful and vulnerable at the same time… like daring me to fight yet begging me to understand.
“No… no, you don’t give me your all, Kellan. You’re trying to hide what is inside you. I got a glimpse of what we can be, you show it to me from time to time. Why are you trying to hide it? Why are you so scared of talking about? You cannot hide fire in an ice cube, Kellan. You can’t hide your sweet side from me,” I protested, reaching for his cheek, trying to touch his soul as he pulled away more each second. He was close physically, but so far away emotionally it froze me, “Don’t do this again!” I whispered, feeling vulnerable altogether.
“Do what?!” he hissed. He was angry, but I could see the hesitation behind those grey eyes that were trying to look at me coldly.
“Can’t you see how much I hate your coldness? Can’t you see this is the cruelest punishment to me?”
“Then, why don’t you run away from me? Why don’t you leave this coldness? Why do you bear the bite of cold? In hope of reaching the fire? What will it change? You’ll burn either way, Melody… why even bother?” he exclaimed.
“Because I lived your ice and I’ve gotten a taste of your fire… and if this will be my end then I will only ask for more. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see that I’m choosing you over myself? I’m choosing staying next to you even when it hurts me the most instead of being without you!”
We were looking each other, both of us were breathing fast. We were fighting with our gazes. I was trying to break down his walls with my raw honesty, he was trying to build them stronger with his arrogant ignorance.
I had no idea if one of us would win, but we had to put a hold on our internal war when Stacey’s voice sounded from the intercom.
“Mr. Hawke, Hillary Trent is here to see you.”
“Shit! That’s my grandma. I’ll go get her,” Kellan said, straightening his clothes. Nodding my head, I did the same with mine, trying to fix the mess we created on his desk. After I was done, I couldn’t help myself and headed to the first floor.
“Why don’t you come to sit in my office Nanna?”
I came to a stop when I heard Kellan’s voice, staying put where I was as they were talking in the waiting area of the building. I saw and heard them clearly, thanks to a human sized tree I was hiding behind.
“I’m going to dinner with my friends, my dear boy. I just wanted to check on you. I knew you would work till this hour. You shouldn’t exhaust yourself, Kellan.”
“Don’t worry, Nanna. I’m good. I’ll leave the building soon.” Kellan answered her.
“Okay, I’m going now. But before I go I need to ask something,” she stopped him, cupped his cheek in her hand.
“What is it, Nanna?” he asked, but rolled his eyes like he knew what was coming.
“Do you have a girlfriend, my boy?” his grandmother asked, still holding and caressing his cheek. I wanted to laugh at his uncomfortable expression as his grandma pet him like a baby, but waiting nervously for his answer held my laughter back.
“No, Nanna. I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Oh, why is that my sweet boy? A guy like you should have someone special in his life,” she protested.
“No, Nana. There is no one special,” he said with certainty.
I didn’t know if I made a noise or if he felt my presence, but he turned around and saw me there. I didn’t care that he had caught me eavesdropping. The tears pooled in my eyes as he continued to stare at me without any emotion. I searched his eyes for regret at saying something like that, but there was none.
