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And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.
-Edward Cullen
Chapter 1
Chase
Un-fucking-believable.
I chug my beer and jump off the barstool to grab another, tossing my empty bottle into the garbage next to Levi, one of my best-friends-turned-lame-ass, on the way.
“What’s got your panties in a bunch, man?” Kipley, who hasn’t seen his balls since he got married and had a baby, leans against the counter, sipping on… Jesus, what is that? A spritzer?
I stare him down, appalled he doesn’t know why I’m appalled. My best friends have turned into a bunch of vaginas—that’s what’s wrong.
“First you, now him? I mean, you’re seriously gonna let him go through with this? He banged your sister. You should kick his ass. Prevent this snuggle fest bullshit.” I mean, who allows their best friend to defile their little sister and live to talk about it?
Kip, apparently, since he just laughs. “I already kicked his ass, and I’m fine with it. He loves her, man.”
“So! I love lots of things. I don’t turn crazy and buy a ring and set off to marry them all!” I can’t believe Levi is going to hand in his man card over a chick and propose. I scoff to myself and throw the fridge door open. Snatching a bottle, I twist the cap, needing the long pull of cold beer to calm me.
“Dude, why do you care so much? Relax.”
I stare Kip down. How is it not obvious? “I care because our guys’ nights have turned into tea parties. What happened to sports night, strip clubs, the casino?”
“We grew up—”
“Exactly! Ever since these chicks tied you down, it’s like you have no balls. You never want to go out. I heard you talking to Ben about goddamn diaper rash, and Levi just suggested we watch a fucking movie!”
Kip laughs again, irritating me further. “With the tantrum you’re having, maybe you could use some diaper rash cream.” He ducks as I whip my bottle cap at his head. “Come on, chill out. One day, you’ll find a girl who sweeps you off your pretty feet, and you’ll be here, laughing at this moment, suggesting we watch The Notebook.”
If I could throw my beer at him, I would. Instead, I drain it. “Fuck no.”
“What’re we talking about?” Levi walks in from taking a call from Hannah, Kip’s little sister, who’s having her own girls’ night with Stacey, Kip’s ball and chain. May as well throw anchor in there since he’s plummeting deep into whipped status.
“Chase is having another moment,” Kip answers.
Levi eyes me. “Dude, again? He’s completely okay with Hannah and me.”
I shrug my shoulders. “Are you sure? I mean, you banged his sister. Baby Hannah. He should kick your ass.”
“He already kicked my ass.” He chuckles, then goes to the fridge for a beer.
I slam my empty beer bottle on the counter. “Whatever. These chicks, man. They have you all brainwashed. Even Ben. Look at his sorry ass sitting on the couch texting like a girl!” We all look over, finding Ben, a cheeky grin on his face.
“Hey, don’t hate the playa. These Tinder chicks love me. I'm a swipe right commodity.”
I shake my head. “We should have taken my suggestion.”
“Sorry, bro, can’t do strip clubs.”
“Or the casino.”
“Yeah, I got super sick after that night you tried slipping me ecstasy,” Ben chimes in, barely lifting his nose from his phone.
“Fine,” I grumble, pushing off the counter and grabbing my jacket. “You girls have fun knitting ball sac holders for your girlfriends and wives. I’m outta here.” The room full of laughing jerks is silenced as I throw the door shut behind me.
I warned them all. Chicks require commitment. And with commitment comes a jail sentence. They insist on stealing your livelihood and demanding you spend every waking minute with them, ditching all your old ways—all of which were just fine before they came and ruined everything. I never once heard Ben complain on a strip club night. Or Levi when we went on long trips for football games and tailgating. Even Kipley, who’s been tied to his girl since high school, didn’t make a peep when we had our three-day golf outings and got so plastered he woke up missing his pants, only to find them up in a tree outside our rental house.
